I'm funny

Why I won’t be on next season of The Jersey Shore.

February 1, 2010

Apparently I’m not who I thought I was. All that pasta cooking, Sopranos watching, NJ housewives, bump it wearing action was for nothing. This Italian bit has been a total sham. Why? Because the interwebs told me so. And the interweb is my only true and honest friend **hugs interwebs**.  And guess what else? I’m not Italian OR Jewish. I mean Jewish totally would have been my next guess….

Not being fully convinced, I used another picture…..

Yes, I’m 100% Asian. And there is a 20% chance I may even be an Asian boy. These are the people the interwebs say I resemble the most based on facescience, magic and smarts. This is an internet application that scans the faces of every single celebrity on the earthplanet, matching them to your face and features and they chose ALL ASIANS as a match to my face.  I was like…woah internet. Not buying it. Let’s try another picture. BAM all Asians again! Most people who do this get like regular celebs like Debbie Gibson or Adam Sandler. I mean, I’m cool with being Asian, but what I’m not cool with is that these people are SO not celebrities. I mean Fukado Kyoko? This is what I’m working with? I know 0 of these people. This is not good for my future as a famous Asian. Who am I supposed to look up to?

Ok so there is that Asian on Lost. I like her. Lost is staring again. Maybe she can like release a sex tape and rise to Nicole Richie socialite stardom status and marry Pete Wentz when he leaves Ashley and adopt a Canadian baby and a mini pig and Asian stars will have their moment in the sun? Crossies.

You know AS an Asian American, I’d like to say this is really unfair. We deserve just as must attention as Kate Hudson, or Sandra Bullock or Beyonce or Michael J Fox. We are people, who have famous talents and deserve to be recognized for them. Like me for example. I am a famous Asian American blogger singer songwriter actress and the world barely even knows who I am. This is not right and I should do something about it.

These last 4 minutes of my Asian life have been really hard and I’m not going to be ok with it anymore. I refuse to blend into the background anymore.  Yes I have beautiful black hair and I have amazing science skills, like knowing about aliens…. Yep. I just wanted to say that.

So I plan to make it my personal goal in 2010 to pave the way for way more famous Asians. Sorry Ai Otsuku,  you are not cutting it. Pax Jolie Pitt and I will be making waves. I’m looking for other Asians to join the task force. Let me know if you’re in. I have a new category listed below called “Being Asian 2010” where I’ll periodically update you on my progress as a famous Asian.

ZDub is going to be really happy about me being Asian. She always saw something special in me and now she knows why.

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  • Sarah RDH February 1, 2010 at 8:41 am

    Yeah, I see myself doing this at some point today to see what ethnicity I am. Something tells me, they're not going to pick up on my mixed hungarian/english/scottish thang I've got going on. Hopefully I'm something way cooler anyway. Like Kardashian Armenian. That'd be hot.

  • The Batcave February 1, 2010 at 9:16 am

    that is so weird we were totally playing with my heritage last night too. and photobooth. which i kind of forgot about til i checked my facebook page. weird.

  • sarah February 1, 2010 at 9:18 am

    If it makes you feel any better, I think you could be Jackie Chan's twin. And he's TOTALLY famous.

  • Lil' Woman February 1, 2010 at 9:38 am

    Lol…Wasn't there famous Asians in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon!? I never seen it but I'm sure you could play off that…

    Crouching Blogger, Hidden Asian! :)

  • Smart Ass Sara February 1, 2010 at 9:41 am

    at least Tila Tequila's picture didn't come up. That would be a sad day.

  • SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB February 1, 2010 at 9:44 am

    look at tiger – he blasaian, famous, and a douche bag


    gave you a shout out today in the crib


  • Moooooog35 February 1, 2010 at 9:44 am

    I love Asians.

    Without Asians, there would be no Asians, which is why I love Asians.

    I forget where I was going with this.

  • Lee the Hot Flash Queen February 1, 2010 at 9:45 am

    I always knew there was something special about you and couldn't quite put my finger on it. Now I know and can sleep at night. Thanks for that.

  • Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman February 1, 2010 at 9:51 am

    I have now been playing with this site for 20 minutes, DAMN YOU for showing me this … I got Hayden Panty-whatever, Petra Somebody, and Kurt Cobain … hmm.

  • Cee February 1, 2010 at 9:52 am

    What about the Asian guy from Harold and Kumar? I'm sure he would be interested in joining forces…he is never in anything except to have the token Asian friend.

  • Corrie Howe February 1, 2010 at 9:57 am

    You are by far the most famous Asian of the bunch. What will this make the future princess? You're Asian mix with B's baseball look-a-like fame? Hey, aren't there some famous Asian baseball players?

  • Cathy February 1, 2010 at 9:57 am

    Lucky! Everyone knows boys like Asian chicks the best. Especially my friend Brent…but we won't go into that now.

  • Christy February 1, 2010 at 10:12 am

    Confession: when I first began following your blog, I thought you were Asian. I don't know what led me to believe this, but I remember being surprised when I realized you were not.

  • Mommy Lisa February 1, 2010 at 10:15 am

    I have to do this again – I cannot remember who I got…

    They have a tool to say who your baby looks like most and it was WAAAAAY wrong. It said she was like 50-50 and she totally looks like me. DUH! :) I think the internet was broken that day.

    Al Gore fixed it.

  • Juliana February 1, 2010 at 10:18 am

    Everytime I have uploaded my picture I have gotten different people depending on where my hair falls etc. Anyhooo-from that picture I would have given you lucy lu. I have a TON of Asian friends and they are hot stuff. I have been asked if I am Asian before because my eyes are very dark and something else about my eyes…I dunno. Anyhow, I am rambling. I still have not seen Jersey shore. Just saw them on TODAY and am going to find out when it is on. This is the lamest comment ever. What I mean to say is that you are BEAUTIFUL! Some peoople do that dopple and get rosie odonald.

  • Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic February 1, 2010 at 10:48 am

    I never would have pegged you for Asian but I think you can make this work for you, in a big way. Think about allllll the Asian girl fetishes out there. You'll have boys falling at your feet and you can step on them with your hot shoes left and right. Asian in 2010, work it girl!

    P.S. Now the blue hair makes perfect sense. You were just channeling all your favorite Asian super heros, right? Again, not to be all RuPaul on you but, work it girl.

  • Geez Louiseā™„ February 1, 2010 at 10:51 am

    I die. Being Asian is hotness.

  • Rachel McPhillips February 1, 2010 at 10:52 am

    This is totally going to be your time to shine. P.S. What about Lucy Lui?? SHe was Charlie's Angel!

  • Vicki February 1, 2010 at 11:05 am

    What is wrong with you? Appreciate your psuedo-Asian-ness. I've been trying to be Ayumi Hamasaki for YEARS. And all that happens is I end up crying softly in the corner to Dolls for hours. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MnJuosTD0ZM

  • knitwit February 1, 2010 at 11:10 am

    Asian is good. I plugged in my picture and got 4 men I'd never heard of and Janeane Garofalo.

  • Maggie February 1, 2010 at 11:11 am

    Oh snap – Italian heritage denied!

  • Candice February 1, 2010 at 11:29 am

    Hey, it could have brought up Whoopie Goldberg or some shit like that.

    Take what you can get. šŸ˜‰

    Me love you long time.

  • Big City Dad February 1, 2010 at 11:40 am

    Hey, don't forget about your fellow Asian Ken Jeong (Mr. Chow in The Hangover). That guy is totally hilarious. Maybe you're related! http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0421822/bio

  • Amanda February 1, 2010 at 11:40 am

    If there are two thing that I've learned on during my 30 years on this earth, it's that facescience, magic and smarts never lie and the internet is NEVER WRONG! Good luck with your new life as an Asian!

  • MiMi February 1, 2010 at 11:42 am

    You are going to kill me…I thought, for some reason, by your profile picture when I first started following you, that you were Asian. BUT, now that I see your pictures with the blue hair and other ones you've posted, you don't look Asian at all. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Look at Lucy Liu…she's hot! :)
    And I'm totally gonna be doing this now. :)

  • Bathwater February 1, 2010 at 12:09 pm

    Asian is good it is like being a mutt and you will look younger longer.

    Forget aboutit.

  • "Julie" February 1, 2010 at 12:12 pm

    people ask me if i'm asian allll the time and it killllls me. this guy tells everyone i look like kristen kreuk and it makes me so angry, ugh.

  • WendyB February 1, 2010 at 12:19 pm

    Just the other day I was looking at an old post of mine in which I discussed being told I looked too Asian (I'm not Asian): http://wendybrandes.com/blog/2008/06/surprise-2/

  • Nessa February 1, 2010 at 12:42 pm

    Rabbit, Rabbit

    I live in NJ. I am not amused.

  • Vodka Logic February 1, 2010 at 12:47 pm

    So does the bf know you are asian. I mean i you didn't I'm guessing he didn't

  • Jenn February 1, 2010 at 12:47 pm

    I seriously snorted when I saw this. Amazing. And you can totally be like Sun from LOST – she's pretty! :)

    I always get asked if I'm Asian because of my last name. Apparently some famous Japanese actress had the name. I'm not even remotely Asian, nor is my husband.

  • saltsays February 1, 2010 at 12:53 pm

    All of those ladies are gorgeous and that guy is totally effeminate, so I think these results are great. My top look alike? Celine Dion. Yeah WTF.

  • ZDub February 1, 2010 at 12:55 pm

    I am going to need to adopt you ASAP. You are obviously more Asian than my husband and my reject Asian American baby (side eye to Troy).

    This makes me VERY happy. I really love people living up to their full Asian potential.

    My goal for Troy is for him to be in the first Asian American boy band. Think N'Sync but Asianer.

    Congratulations on being Asian. Hallmark needs a card for this.

  • BugginWord February 1, 2010 at 12:58 pm

    Shit. Here I thought I was going to catch up on all my blog-itude but now I have to go play with pictures. Summabitch.

    Did you try a pic with the blue hair?

  • Hipstercrite February 1, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    NOOOOOOO! They told me I look like Sarah Jessica Parker.

  • Ms Bibi February 1, 2010 at 1:52 pm

    Hey, one of them in the top picture is not Asian….what's with that.

    How about Lucy Liu? She's Asian, famous and hot.

  • Elizabeth Marie February 1, 2010 at 2:14 pm

    Dude, Asians are skinny. So yay!!!!!

  • chinamommy February 1, 2010 at 2:32 pm

    i just found you/your blog…. my fave topic- Asians!!

  • I'm Cooper February 1, 2010 at 2:55 pm

    Um I live in Hawaii.. where they film Lost… and we “Hawaiians” see the cast around pretty often. But the BEST encounter I had was with the ppl that play Jin and Sawyer. It was at a bar here called Mercury Bar and this hilarious Japanese rockabilly band called Bari Bari 13 was playing and I guess one of their friends invited Jin and Sawyer and they actually showed up. I was single at the time and thought I'd try to get in good with Sawyer but his TOTAL BITCH of a wife was there. Now I then knew he was married and backed off.. that's not why she was a bitch… she was just a bitch in general and when I took pictures with them she was all “step to the right! back up a little bit! hold you're drink down honey if they give this to the tabloids you'll look like a drunken pedophile!” and gave us bitch faces the whole time. Anyway I also met Jin and he was definitely a cool guy. THEN I went outside to mingle with the smokers and guess who was out there sans bitch wife? SAWYER.. and he was WASTED OUT OF HIS MIND. So I got him to call me “Freckles” three times and that pretty much made my year. I asked him to come to my band's show the next night but he just kept mumbling about going fishing.. THEN the next weekend I was walking to another bar in Chinatown and me and my friend were on the the opposite side of one of the busiest bar streets.. lines and lines of ppl on the sidewalk… so we're walking and all of the sudden I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn around and WHO is it tapping on MY shoulder to say hi as I'm in front of a SHIT LOAD of ppl standing in AWE???? It was JIN!!!!! I felt so famous. YOU MUST COME HERE so we can have encounters like this together and there are TONS of asians here and I have the ultimate asian hook up named Jin. Phew sorry for the length. That's what he said ha!

  • I'm Cooper February 1, 2010 at 2:58 pm

    Oh and I have the picture we took with them.. how do I show you? The email thing is not working for me.

  • Tracie February 1, 2010 at 3:11 pm

    I'm Cooper needs to write up her comment for Monique's celebrity Friday thingy.

    PS There are some guys who have a fetish for Asian gals. If you ever decide to go into porn….., Just sayin'

  • jessalyn February 1, 2010 at 3:19 pm

    when i was younger i was convinced i had some asian in me (my dad was adopted, so i really don't know) but besides my eyes virtually disappearing when i smile, i had random strands of black, asian like hair. now i just have grey hairs.

  • Gucci Mama February 1, 2010 at 3:26 pm

    Don't forget that fugly girl from Grey's Anatomy. Which I totally don't watch or anything. She's a famous Asian. She seems to have overcome her pancake flat face too. You're a WAY hotter Asian than she is.

  • Morgan February 1, 2010 at 3:37 pm

    I ran my picture through that thing last night for that Facebook thing that's going on and I had the same exact problem! Sun from Lost was my top look alike, then all those other unknown ones that we don't care anything about… but the worst part is that Kelsey Grammer was randomly thrown in there. May or may not have followed that little exercise up with some vodka.

    Hint: I did.

  • Mara February 1, 2010 at 3:42 pm

    haha oh no! Keep trying. That's hilarious though I want to try!

  • Erin February 1, 2010 at 3:54 pm

    I did this yesterday… then also blogged about my results. They were almost as interesting as yours… I mean you totally look like your last name could be Chung!!!

  • Erin February 1, 2010 at 4:07 pm

    I have tears in my eyes I am laughing so hard! I needed this post today, so THANK YOU!

    I'd be interested to plug my own photo in and see what comes up. I'm kinda scared!

  • .jimaie.marie. February 1, 2010 at 4:14 pm

    I tried running my picture on there the other day for the facebook game that's going on and it told me I looked like a dude. A dude named Hal Sparks.

    I tried 2 other pictures and he STILL showed up in my results -_-

    Eff you My Heritage.

  • Krista February 1, 2010 at 4:44 pm

    I commend you for using the term “Asian” rather than “Oriental”, that's a huge pet peeve of mine. And I'm a little upset that I won't actually know someone on the Jersey Shore. Bummer.

  • Something Happened Somewhere Turning February 1, 2010 at 4:45 pm

    Wow. Now I question my Indianship. If the adoption agency couldn't tell me jack about my heritage than who can? I look Indian. I sit crossed leg like one and sometimes I braid my hair and go barefoot. Plus I wear moccasins in the house for house slippers. I'm thinking yes dude, your an effing Indian. And there's not a lot of famous ones left either, they're all dying off from the old age that Indians eventually achieve.
    I think you are amazing. And those special science skills come in handy. Not many know about aliens. And don't forget you know a little bit more about ghosties too. Now I'm going to go look up “alive” famous Indians.

  • Beckles February 1, 2010 at 4:51 pm

    the way you part your hair obviously makes you asian. and your fabulous cheek bones.

  • Andy February 1, 2010 at 4:54 pm

    I wonder if this means you can now apply for certain minority scholarships, or get hired as a minority, or star in Fast and the Furious 5: I Tokyo Drifted Into the Pacific.

  • Sadako February 1, 2010 at 5:18 pm

    Ah, the interwebs. Is it anything it doesn't know?

  • Monique-aka-Surferwife23 February 1, 2010 at 6:06 pm

    Long Duck Dong IS my favorite chinaman.

    He's wearing tan trousers and an argyle sweater. NO, he's not retarded.

  • Jane February 1, 2010 at 6:32 pm

    I think you should be the next Asian socialize. You can do it. And they I can say I knew you before you were famous… kind of.

  • blueviolet February 1, 2010 at 7:03 pm

    What makes you think you're not asian? Clearly you are. Accept it.

  • Sara February 1, 2010 at 7:17 pm

    Good thing Suri transcends race.

  • Casey February 1, 2010 at 7:50 pm

    instead of becoming asian, why don't you just add it to your resume of ethnicities:

    so next time you fill out a form that asks “what's your ethnicity” you can confuse the hell out of them.

  • Crystal February 1, 2010 at 8:54 pm

    I was told I look 58% like a 16 year old Isaac Hanson…he's now 29 I think? My boyfriend got a 9 year old Mary-Kate Olsen…makes for a pretty interesting couple yeah?

  • jenny February 1, 2010 at 10:37 pm

    thanks for dropping by my blog:)

    you only need two followers :)


  • Unknown Mami February 1, 2010 at 10:59 pm

    That's why your legs are so nice! Because you are an Asian boy.

  • I am Trish Marie February 2, 2010 at 10:24 am

    Now that you know you are Asian, do you find you are suddenly better at the math? What about a yearning for orchestra? Although, I am Italian and a could play a mean violin when I was younger, so that blows that stereo-type.

    I think the most positive thing that has come of this is ZDub is definitely going to dump Zoe (It's cool, I'll take you Zoe. You can hang with Jill. She can teach you how to say fuck and how to hoard trash.) for you.

  • GirlyAtLaw February 2, 2010 at 1:12 pm

    I got the strangest mix of dead people in black and white photos, European models, and a couple of Asians thrown into the mix which is odd because I look way more Swedish than Asian.

    I think your time would be better spent making hypotetical babies with photos of you and B or random celebs (i.e. make your own Suri): http://www.makemebabies.com/

    These babies either come out hideous and evil looking, adorable, or in my case a compleltely different race than the two people whose photos I used!

  • Aunt Juicebox February 2, 2010 at 9:48 pm

    I get Asian matches on that thing too. And Stephen Hawking. That's a self confidence crusher, let me tell ya.

  • Katy February 3, 2010 at 2:07 pm

    I thought you would like to know the following status message one of my friends had on facebook

    “I like this celebrity look alike thing, but I am obviously not asian”

    Comment to her post:

    “the look-a-like thing keeps giving me asian people too! what the hell!”

  • Amber's Notebook February 3, 2010 at 6:22 pm

    Omg i just found your and sarah's vlblog the other day and I had to come bak for more. I don't think I have ever laughed so much while reading a post! Omg the part when pointed out none of them were even celebs–dying!!

  • hotpantsā„¢ February 4, 2010 at 10:38 am

    I used a recent picture from within the last couple of weeks. My match? Angelina Jolie. I don't care if it isn't true. I'm taking a printed copy with me to the grave.

  • celebrittany February 5, 2010 at 5:58 pm

    i'm a little disappointed. did you tell your parents that they're liars? you should. i wonder what i am.

  • Katie June 23, 2011 at 4:01 pm

    FYI I just did this stupid face test and it says i’m 80% an asain boy. F