Apparently I’m not who I thought I was. All that pasta cooking, Sopranos watching, NJ housewives, bump it wearing action was for nothing. This Italian bit has been a total sham. Why? Because the interwebs told me so. And the interweb is my only true and honest friend **hugs interwebs**. And guess what else? I’m not Italian OR Jewish. I mean Jewish totally would have been my next guess….
Yes, I’m 100% Asian. And there is a 20% chance I may even be an Asian boy. These are the people the interwebs say I resemble the most based on facescience, magic and smarts. This is an internet application that scans the faces of every single celebrity on the earthplanet, matching them to your face and features and they chose ALL ASIANS as a match to my face. I was like…woah internet. Not buying it. Let’s try another picture. BAM all Asians again! Most people who do this get like regular celebs like Debbie Gibson or Adam Sandler. I mean, I’m cool with being Asian, but what I’m not cool with is that these people are SO not celebrities. I mean Fukado Kyoko? This is what I’m working with? I know 0 of these people. This is not good for my future as a famous Asian. Who am I supposed to look up to?
Ok so there is that Asian on Lost. I like her. Lost is staring again. Maybe she can like release a sex tape and rise to Nicole Richie socialite stardom status and marry Pete Wentz when he leaves Ashley and adopt a Canadian baby and a mini pig and Asian stars will have their moment in the sun? Crossies.
You know AS an Asian American, I’d like to say this is really unfair. We deserve just as must attention as Kate Hudson, or Sandra Bullock or Beyonce or Michael J Fox. We are people, who have famous talents and deserve to be recognized for them. Like me for example. I am a famous Asian American blogger singer songwriter actress and the world barely even knows who I am. This is not right and I should do something about it.
These last 4 minutes of my Asian life have been really hard and I’m not going to be ok with it anymore. I refuse to blend into the background anymore. Yes I have beautiful black hair and I have amazing science skills, like knowing about aliens…. Yep. I just wanted to say that.
So I plan to make it my personal goal in 2010 to pave the way for way more famous Asians. Sorry Ai Otsuku, you are not cutting it. Pax Jolie Pitt and I will be making waves. I’m looking for other Asians to join the task force. Let me know if you’re in. I have a new category listed below called “Being Asian 2010” where I’ll periodically update you on my progress as a famous Asian.
ZDub is going to be really happy about me being Asian. She always saw something special in me and now she knows why.