Confession Friday: BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS!

Confession: I forgot about Confession Friday. But I got my shit together and did what had to be done to bring you what you’ve been waiting all week for. Don’t lie, your life is just as lamely-awesome as mine. 
These are the best confessions from last week’s comments section of Confession Frida. Rules:
1) Read them
2) Point and laugh
3) Confess your confession in this week’s comments section
4) If you leave a comment that is not a confession, I hate you.
5) If you win, you are my love charm sparkle friend.
Kind of like a prank call so I like it Confession: Morgan said…
My husband dated this girl from Australia and was pretty serious about her. She was younger than me and had a cute accent… Hated the bitch. So what did I do? Added her as a friend on Myspace and started chatting it up. We both had a mutual hatred for another one of my husband’s exes. Naturally, we teamed up and created a fake profile with some random hot guy surfer’s picture on it and started talking to this other ex. We sent messages for months, eventually leading to this girl wanting to meet up. He said he would, but he never showed. What a douche, right? Um, super amazing. Can I be your friend? I have so many evil plots to contribute to this group/club.
Man that is LOVE Confession Kiera said…
My husband waxes my face. my entire face. like, bearded lady entire face. Why would I drop at least $50 at a salon (if not double that) if I have a box of Sally Hansen and strong arms? Oh, and this occurs about every 3-4 weeks. Or at least it should. WOW this is so ballsy. Like no shame at all. I thought I was cool for being all poop open and honest. You win.
Woah no wonder this confession is anonymous Confession allycat2589 said…
When my boyfriend and I first got together, I was the “other woman” and we were together for almost a year before I decided it wasn’t enough for me anymore and he didn’t want to leave his kids. Not 3 weeks after we broke off the sexual side of our relationship, his girlfriend tells him she wants to bring another woman into the relationship. I’m dating her too for the sole purpose of getting to be a part of his life. Yeah, this makes me think about the world and stuff and all the crazy shit that goes on that we as commoners have no idea about. Like aliens.
Innovative genius Confession Moomby said…
90% of the time I’m wearing a tunic or loose-fitting top over tight jeans, my pants are unzipped. I show this to my friends because I’m proud of my ingenuity and they tell me I need to stop telling people about this. SMART. You just gave me my Sat night outfit idea.
My Confession:
During a particularly stupid episode (some are less stupid) of The Bachelor: On The Wings of Love. I asked B if he would accept this rose. He lovingly said yes, I would be honored. And I bent over and farted in his face. THAT’s a rose if you ask me.
CONFESSION PRINCESS LMJ said…
One time, during college, we went to this club which had a karaoke bar on the side. All my friends had signed up to sing, so we were sort of hanging out for a while. I got sooo drunk, I couldn’t even hold my head up. Then, someone started singing my favorite song, and I jumped up. I ran to the stage, took the microphone away from the bitch who was singing, and began to sing, as she stood there stunned. All my friends were cheering and yelling. I heard a few boo’s, and I’m thinking that they’re saying: “boobs, boobs, boobs…!” (OMG I love that THAT’s what you thought they were saying!) I took my top off and I continued to sing, topless. Two security guards had me by my arms, and were leading me out of the club and one of them is literally holding my shirt over my chest to cover my boobs. My two BFF’s are running behind saying “oh shit! Oh shit!” The pushed me out of the door and I turned to face a closed door and I threw my shirt at it. (That’ll show them!) One of my BFF’s had to wrestle me to put it on. The next day, I was hung over, and had guys’ names and their phone numbers written all over my arms and boobs. :{ Never again. So amazing. No words.

CONFESS.

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POSTED IN: Confession Fridays,Drunk Stuff

{ 51 comments }

Kiera January 29, 2010 at 3:34 pm

I fell in love with my OBGYN even though he has 14 kids and looks like he's 16 years old. What? you get emotionally attached to the guy that delivers your kids

Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic January 29, 2010 at 3:46 pm

I'm so happy LMJ got the Confession Princess I almost pee a little bit reading that last week!

Confession: This is going to be short and sweet. In high school 1991-ish to totally wore bright red, Cross Colours Jeans that were 3 times too big for my small frame. I hope you know what Cross Colours Gear was so that this will sink in how horrible it was for a lil white girl in the middle of small town usa to rock this look. P.S. I wore these to compliment the ones my boyfriend wore that were bright, banana yellow. GO TEAM YO!

Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic January 29, 2010 at 3:48 pm

I'm only doing a 2nd comment so you can truly understand how painful it was to admit I wore those clothes. Ladies of the jury, Exhibit OMG: http://thefashionbomb.blogspot.com/2009/02/fun-black-fashion-fact-cross-colours.html

sarah January 29, 2010 at 3:52 pm

I have the serious HATES for some people in my office. And by some people, I mean 1 person. HATE.

Gini January 29, 2010 at 3:54 pm

I had just graduated HS when my family first got internet access. That summer, I stayed up every single night in AOL chat rooms, chatting with all kinds of people from everywhere until like 5 am. One friend I chatted with most often swapped numbers with me, a nice boy my age from a neighboring burb. We would call each other after midnight or one in the morning….and role play. We'd pretend to be married and I'd wake him up and tell him there was a burglar in the house. Or have fake arguments over what kind of car to buy or how to punish our kids. It never got too sexy or anything like that. We talked many nights that summer and when we went away to college, we never talked or chatted again and I don't remember his name now. Just that he worked at Structure and kind of looked like Superman in his online photo. I never thought it was any sort of weird until years later when I told my husband. And according to him, apparently it's pretty feckin bizarre!

Courtney PSU January 29, 2010 at 3:59 pm

I sell Cialis to doctors for my job. This means I get paid to be an expert on and talk about boners all day long. Sometimes it makes me feel dirty. Especially when I beat my sales quota by a lot.

Nessa January 29, 2010 at 4:25 pm

Once upon a time, in my younger less controlled days, I was seeing a man who was two timing me (it was so long ago we spoke in those weird phrases.) At the time, I had no car (which is a confession for another time.) So one night he broke a date with me. I needed to know what he was doing so badly, I hopped on my bicycle at 2am and peddle 45 minutes to his house. I broke in and watched him and this other woman sleeping in his bed.

Getting Reacquainted in 55

At least I'm skinny January 29, 2010 at 4:29 pm

My work car is in the shop so I drove someone else's and had a broken fingernail and busted out the nail clippers and clipped all my nails in the car and made very little effort to clean it up.

I'm hoping the blame goes to the guy who drove it right before me.

Courtney January 29, 2010 at 4:44 pm

I was dating this guy in HS and right before I graduated he invited me over to his best friends house (whom I'd never met) to drink. It was just the three of us and we were playing a drinking game so we got really drunk. It was his friend's turn to make a rule. He looked at me and said, “Give me head until your dead.” What an asshole right? I though so too! And then I went and married him! Turns out he has a sick sense of humor that I now love!

Southern Gal January 29, 2010 at 4:54 pm

I get the ohmygod.ihavetopee.rightnow's pretty bad sometimes (at least once a day), & one time I peed in a water bottle in my car. Sucked b/c it was an expensive water bottle, & I threw the pee-filled bottle in a public dumpster. BTW, it totally worked, it was one of those wide-mouthed Nalgenes

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom January 29, 2010 at 5:00 pm

OK this week's confession has nothing to do with boobs like today's sparkle princess (props for whippin em out).

I was a rotten little shit of a kid, but my fourth grade bestie was the devil incarnate. There was a boy in the neighborhood that was following us around and getting on our nerves, grubbing gum and candy off us and so on. So we decided that we were going to fix his wagon for being such a moocher. . . We went into her habitrail and collected all the hamster poo from her six hamsters and put it in a ziplock snack bag. Then we took chocolate ex-lax out of its wrapper and put it in the bag too. When the boy rolled up on us, we were munching Hershey bars and licorice nibs. Yeah, we shared, cause that's the kind of kids we were. And he found out the hard way that he shouldn't be a grubby little turd.

So guilty. Hello hell? I have two rotten nine year old bitches for you.

Karena January 29, 2010 at 5:15 pm

I have bad gag reflexes. So bad that I have to use a tongue scraper because I cannot brush my tongue. This means I have to be very careful when giving oral. So one time an ex-boyfriend had a little too much…thrust…and I vomited. Right on him. And I can't believe I'm telling this.

Shandal January 29, 2010 at 5:18 pm

I DON'T have a gag reflex. ;)

LMJ January 29, 2010 at 5:21 pm

HOLEY TEQUILA! I made Confession Princess!!! :P

Who would have thought one of my most shameless moments would make me so proud!

Confession: I'm nowhere near rich or even having a nice amount of money in my savings account, but I've had a Will since I was 18. I don't have much, so you would think, what for? But that's how weird I am. As my life has progressed, I've changed the beneficiaries. I made the most current change 1 month after my baby was born.

Shell January 29, 2010 at 6:04 pm

The threesome one kind of freaks me out.

The boos one was hilarious! Go, LMJ!

meredith January 29, 2010 at 6:06 pm

your confession nearly made me poop my pants.

mine: i've never seen a single episode of jersey shore.

Becky Mochaface January 29, 2010 at 6:23 pm

Confession: The summer before I went to college I was dating this guy and we ran around in a circle with his brother and his girlfriend and another couple we were close with. The three of us girls thought it would be hilarious to do whip cream bikinis (really we only did the top part) and instead of whip cream use shaving cream. We were right. It was hilarious.

Amanda {My Life Badly Written} January 29, 2010 at 6:31 pm

Confession: When I was about 8 months pregnant with my second baby my then 3.5 year old was really getting on my nerves and being a little shite! So after a few hours of naughty behaviour I said to him “Hey, buddy, Mummy is having another little boy in a few weeks so if you want to stay the favourite you better start behaving!”

I thought it was funny but not so after I had told a few friends and they said how cruel it was…hey I am an only child…I'm always the favourite!!

AusteRity9 January 29, 2010 at 6:34 pm

So I get a little impulsive when I drink and my fingers get antsy and I ususally make a drunk call or text. Me and my ex have been not talking for a month and the other day in my mini feed on facebook it pops up he is in a relationship and I was like WTF!?! I didn't say anything right then though I waited a couple of days but then I just couldn't take it anymore so I sent him a text telling him how I felt and how I was mad not because I wanted him back but because I wasted more than a year with him . It was pretty lengthy. HE DIDNT RESPOND. The next night I made a drunken call and what do you know…this guy changed his number and didnt even tell me! Crushed is what i was lol but oh well hopefully he changed his number before I sent that message because I don't want to seem like a weak ass

Karls January 29, 2010 at 7:03 pm

HILARIOUS!

Some effin weirdo's mixed into the bunch. Love the topless Karaoke! Why didn't I think of that!

Rachel McPhillips January 29, 2010 at 7:06 pm

When I was in college, I had this guy friend who I flirted with. He was older and in a fraternity and his ex-girlfriend was a crazy psycho. I was in his room in the frat house at 1 am in the morning and she stalks by and calls and calls and calls and leaves messages saying she knows that I am there. She shows up at his door. I have to hide behind his desk on top of a pile of shoes for 3 hours while they fight and somewhat get it on. He finally gets her out of the room and I am able to sneak away. Not sure why, but her sorority dropped me.

Krista January 29, 2010 at 7:59 pm

Recently, as I was snooping around on my husbands Facebook account, an IM popped up, from is ex-fiance. I just about threw up on the keyboard! I pretended to be him and carry on a conversation with her. This lasted about 15 minutes because I couldn't type and scream on the phone to all my girlfriends explaining that this BITCH is trying to get her ex-fiancee back. I was going to take a photo of my husband snoring in the barka lounger in his boxers and send it to her, letting her know that she's TOTALLY missing out, but instead, I didn't talk to my husband for three days. Jerk. When I finally went postal on him, he immediately deleted her as a friend. I should hope so!

MiMi January 29, 2010 at 8:38 pm

Here's one…one time I went to visit my friend and I had to walk to the back of the house cuz she wasn't in the living room. I went back and walked past the bathroom and her mom was sitting on the toilet, taking a dump and eating saltine crackers.

thatsomeoneisme January 29, 2010 at 8:49 pm

My then boyfriend and I had gone on a break after he told me he needed to “find myself.” I concluded that meant he was actually looking for another piece, I wasted no time moving on to the next guy. The next one was my obvious rebound. After dinner we drove somewhere in the boonies and sex in the backseat of his car, because I'm that classy. I remember that sometime during sex a train went by ( we were near tracks), and I thought of the symbolism of a train entering a tunnel, which made me laugh.
Anywhore, I returned home that morning around five am so I can be at work by 9. That morning. I made it, coasting on neutral, and was glad when the work day was done. I walked that nite to my car and, parked next to it, was the boyfriend, who told me that he “found” that he wanted to be with me after all. He asked me to sit in his truck and talk, which I did. This was the first I had seen/heard from him in about a month. He wanted in again. Figuratively and literally. Yeah: that night I had sex with the boyfriend, less than 24 hours after the boonies boinking with the rebound. And boyfriend was eager to please, even going “down there,” if you know what I mean. BF was all make up sex euphoric; And here I was, still sore from last nite.
And that ends my tale as a temporary semen receptacle.

Mrs P January 29, 2010 at 9:18 pm

The other day after putting out the trash, I went to run back into the house but my milk filled boobs hurt when they bounced. As I held my boobs and ran towards the house, I realize that I had a lil pee slip. I of course was shocked at the notion and shouted to the entire neighborhood, “I'm peeing my pants!” The realization of this sent me into hysterics and as I stood there laughing outside, I continued peeing my pants. It was so bad it was dripping out the bottom. I took my shoes off so they wouldn't get wet, stood on the porch and stripped before taking my wet ass inside to clean up.

Also, when they broke my water in the delivery room I really REALLY enjoyed the wet warm sensation. It was like some kind of labor-spa treatment. That quote about “Happiness is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it but only you can feel it's warmth” is totally true. Well, the peeing your pants part anyway.

And peeing really IS believing.

P January 29, 2010 at 9:28 pm

I had an ex who never took his clothes off when he was having sex. EVER. We went out for pretty much a year, and I have no idea what he looked like naked.

I was always too uncomfortable to ask him why he wouldn't take his clothes off. But it's weird when I am writhing about naked and he is . . . fully dressed and trying to cover everything apart from his appendage while I'm . . . actually that's quite ENOUGH Information. . .

saltsays January 29, 2010 at 9:45 pm

I don't think that anyone in the world will ever be able to beat the confession princess from today.

All I have is: A few years ago I dated this guy who was really cute and normal looking and everything. So then I was over at his house and I knew it would be the first time we hooked up really seriously. So things were getting all hot and I reached down his pants for the first time ever and grabbed right on to this big farking piece of metal through his penis. I had never dealt with a junk piercing before and he had never mentioned it and I was totally unprepared. He didn't look like the type of guy that would have something like that in a million years! So my natural reaction was to just start laughing hysterically right in his face. I couldn't stop and it really killed the mood. Our relationship ended shortly after that.

Sarah RDH January 29, 2010 at 10:15 pm

The more time I spend at home on maternity leave, and having 2 kids now, I actually, despite what I've said in the past, really want to be a stay at home mo. But I still want to send my kid to preschool a few days too. But I will never tell Hubs this bc he'd flip the eff out if I didn't work. He wouldn't care if I worked in a sweatshop in China, as long as I brought home a check, I'm pretty sure. *sads*

Levon January 29, 2010 at 11:28 pm

Go ahead and hate me , i have nothing to confess, havent for weeks, which must mean i really should be hated since apparently i am better than all of you…
I just wanna know what the eff do those barbies playing pee pees with each other at the top have to do with?

erin January 29, 2010 at 11:52 pm

funny – your barbie pic goes with my confession!!
my man has been out of town all week on business, so i decided this would be a good week to let my armpit hair get long enough to wax. that's right, i've been playing dirty hippy all week – minus the part where they flash their pits, sleeveless style, for all the world to see. in fact, it's all i can do to remember to wear long sleeves and also to NOT freak out (even if i am wearing long sleeves) imagining that my clients can see my pit-hair through my clothes while i'm cutting their hair or shampooing them. eep!
it gets worse – so, today when i was waxing said hairy pits, i discovered too late that i didn't have the right wax so a) it wasn't even working and b) i was getting cramps in my neck looking at my damn pits for so long because i had to do teeny tiny sections at a time and ultimately had to resort to PLUCKING hairs out since the wax wasn't working!! ugh! finally, i started getting dizzy from the position my neck was in that i had to stop and move to plan b. my left pit is smooth as a plucked chicken (gross) and my right pit is part smooth, uh, apart from the little shaven patch. f that.
p.s. other areas were growing out this week but after the armpit fiasco i don't think wax is the way to go. dammit.

Levon January 30, 2010 at 12:11 am

OMG wait, i AM a bitch afterall YAY! When i was a senior in high school there was this guy who had asked me out about a million times. I didnt HATE him, but i just couldnt go out with him, since besides the fact that he spit when he talked and he slicked back his hair and wore a chain on his pants, he only had 3 fingers on his left hand. I was freaked out by the hand pretty bad, so i did what any girl would do…i started dating his friend and married him.

Brakes and Gas January 30, 2010 at 12:11 am

Oooh! Mrs. P. reminded me of a confessional that encompasses two of the themes from her confessional in a fabulously succint way. After I pushed Eloise out, they slapped her on my tummy and she immediatly peed all over me (she is her mother's daughter!)… and I liked it. It was so warm and pleasant.

Confession 2: I CONSTANTLY think I am thinner than I am. I totally have body-dsymorphia, but I am kind of okay with that.

boops January 30, 2010 at 12:21 am

confession: every time my boss travels, i pray for the plane to crash (and you would too, trust me)

KK January 30, 2010 at 12:29 am

Spied on my husband (now ex) cheating at online poker and called and turned him in. Why oh why did they kick him off he wondered? I have NO idea :)

Chew January 30, 2010 at 8:54 am

I know this is super late, I'm catching up on my horrible blogging etiquette (sp?).

I babysit two little boys, one is 8 and one is 11. The older one is autistic and he's the one that I tutor. The other day I had horrible gas…like I had a major pooh that was just stuck up there and wouldn't come out so I just kept on farting.

So I farted real bad and didn't say anything about it and the younger one was all like, “Ewww what's that smell?” And I'm all like, “Eww I know, I smelled that to, but I thought it was you! Eww J, come on!!” That's the older one…

Yep, I blamed my poopy smelling fart on an 11 year old.

Resh Rene` January 30, 2010 at 10:42 am

OH MY LORD I just found your blog and you are a RIOT!! I know your blog will top my obsessions for the week…that alone could be a confession:)

My highschool sweet heart whom I am still married to used to climb up the rope ladder fire escape my dad bought us for obvious reasons. So when I popped up prego in order for the parental unit not to take “our roped ladder to heaven” we made up a story of getting carried away in the backseat of my car in the Sonic parking lot….they took my car instead :( But 11 years later the family still thinks our oldest was conceived over Cherry Limeades at Sonic…terrible I know.

Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic January 30, 2010 at 6:35 pm

Confession: I can't spell the word Saturday and need MODG to proof read all my future blog posts and give her 2 cents in blue.

(Thank you for catching that! I feel slightly less like an ass now… but now I will forever be known as the girl that can't be spelling days of the week n' junk).

Katie January 30, 2010 at 7:29 pm

I know this is a late submission, but I was trying to come up with a confession, and remembered this one.

Back in my college days, I was casually dating this guy (who later turned out to be a total douchebag, but that's another story). It was his roommate's 21'st birthday, and he wanted to take her out and get her hammered. (I'll be referring to the roommate as J in this confession)

I suggested that we go to this bar known for embarrassing girls on their birthdays. (Yes, the roommate was a cool chick, but I love embarrassing people. I do, it's wrong, but it's fun). He agreed.

Anyway, the way this bar works on your birthday – they give you 2 shots of anything you want, but you have to do something for them. Most of the time it involves a dildo and whipped cream, and the birthday girl has to get the whipped cream off without using her hands. Nice, right?

Well, J goes behind the bar and gets her two shots. Then the bartender went to get the dildo, and wouldn't you know it, couldn't find it. J thought she got off scott-free. Not so much.

The bartender was being kind of a jerk and saying “Well, you got free shots, you need to do something for us. Show us your tits”. J was sort of a prude and refused. The bartender wouldn't let it go and was getting more and more jerky.

So I stepped in and took one for the team. Yep, I stood on the bar and flashed my boobs, piercings and all, to a bar full of college guys. Just to get J off the hook. Not my proudest moment, but oh well. I didn't have to pay for a drink the rest of the night.

blueviolet January 30, 2010 at 8:25 pm

Oh my gosh, the face wax….brave, brave confession!!!!

I love your romantic rose moment too!

The Famous Home January 31, 2010 at 12:21 am

Okay I’m going to regret this the minute I click “post comment” because I’m super shy.
I’m likely the most lame, uncool person EVER. I’ve tried to learn to just be normal let alone cool but always fail miserably :( So I have this reoccurring fantasy/day dream where I’m the coolest person ever! It usually begins with me driving in a hot car playing bad ass music that everyone turns to stare at when I pull up and get out wearing a sexy outfit (you know the kind of sexy that isn’t trying too hard) that I could never put together myself. When I get out the women are whispering mean things about me to their friends because they are super jealous and slap their boyfriends for staring at me. That’s when Gerald Butler walks up to me and slips me his number, I of course already having the hottest man on the planet simply say “No, thanks.” and throw the crumpled paper to the ground…
Yes people… I AM that lame!

* Reena Rai * January 31, 2010 at 8:20 am

LOOOOVE this! So funny I almost spat out my tea. First and last ones were my favourites :D

Julie January 31, 2010 at 12:04 pm

Once, while very drunk at a bar, I swore I ran into my friend “John” that I hadn't seen in a year or so. I kept introducing him to everyone as my good friend “John” and going on and on about how great he was and that I was so glad to see him. I wound up going home with him and it wasn't until the next morning that I realized I had no idea who this dude was and that his name was actually Chris, as evidenced by a stack of mail on his nightstand table. Most awkward morning after ever.

Erin January 31, 2010 at 3:54 pm

Okay so my confession is that I regularly get Brazilian bikini waxes. I'd always wanted to try one, but was too scared. I started out w/ regular bikini waxes and gradually took a little more off each time, until…the big debut. I was so nervous. I cried like a baby. I was so mortified. I was sweating and shaking and sniveling like a kid…because I realized that no man I've EVER been with has EVER seen me so up close and personal (incluing my OB/GYN b/c I had a C-section and also b/c there's a large sheet draped over you). And hello, the bedroom is dark when we're getting busy. But the salon has BRIGHT LIGHTS. LOTS of them. There's just something freaky about a waxologist (I created that word, btw) showing you how to hold your labia and “frog” your legs out this way and that to reach all the, a-hem, crevices.

I still maintain that every man on the planet should be required to get a full wax. Just so they can really appreciate what we women go through.

Now that I've had one, there's no going back. I hate the hair.

Rach January 31, 2010 at 8:51 pm

OMG. SO relieved that:

1) someone else has barfed on a guy. I have a supersensitive gag reflex and the first time I ever tried giving, I yarfed right on him. We were a little drunk and in my college dorm room, and I realized it before he did, and I RAN down the hall to the ladies' room and left him there.

2) someone else has never seen one single episode of Jersey Shore. Me neither Meredith!

My REAL confession:

I had two people who are NOT my bf tell me that I have a pretty… you know. One was my aesthetician, during a Brazilian wax session, and the other was my girl doctor a week later at my annual appointment. The “stylist” said I have nice skin, and the doctor complimented my grooming, but what I heard from both was “nice vajayjay.” Some people have good hair days; apparently, I have good junk days.

Mommy Lisa February 1, 2010 at 10:36 am

A couple of times when I have “ahem” drank a little too much…I pick fights with other girls in the bar.

Once this chick pushed at the stall door in the bathroom REALLY hard. It had no lock and I was on the potty with my legs up against it and she shoved my back into that comfortable metal pipe with the flusher. I come barrelling out pulling up my pants and BERATING this poor chick for an apology. Calling her such classics as “bitch” “you stupid f**king cu**” and telling her “to apologize immediately or I will kick your ass!” I had her pinned up against the sink when my bestie came in to find out what was taking me so long…

I had that chick totally scared and she was about twice my size.

My mother is very proud.

Andy February 1, 2010 at 4:56 pm

LMJ is evidently a frat guy's dream… but I was more impressed by Moomby's loose pants idea. That's genius.

The Shabby Princess February 1, 2010 at 6:11 pm

Sometimes, when I'm really bored (read: it's 4:30 and time is standing still) I'll just go sit in the bathroom to waste time. I have “digestive issues” so no one thinks anything weird if I'm gone for 20 minutes or whatever. Karma of the situation? When I really am sick, I have like 5,000 things to do and don't really have the time to hang out in the bathroom for 20 minute installments.

Morgan February 1, 2010 at 6:47 pm

When I first started my blog, I found out I was pregnant and I gained an ass ton of new readers. It was a beautiful thing, really.

I'm convinced that if I get pregnant again, it'll do wonders for my online popularity.

That said, I haven't taken birth control in over a month, had unprotected sex several times when it would most likely result in pregnancy. We'll see in a week if it worked.

(I do like babies, don't get me wrong. But let's be real here, we all want to be popular.)

Katy February 2, 2010 at 12:37 am

My freshman year of college I couldn't hold down that fraternity hunch punch. Thankfully, the drunkenness was not transformed into getting in a belligerent fight with my best friend, crying over an ex, or turning into a drunken slut no no, something much better, puking. And even better than that, it was the secret kind, no one knew about. While everyone else was passed out or making out with random guys, I looked like the innocent girl who could hold their liquor.

One night, at a fraternity party, I really liked this guy who lived in one of the rooms everyone was putting their coats in.

Fast forward to the next morning. I have a vague memory of throwing up in his closet in the middle of the party.

The next day, everyone was talking about how someone threw up in his closet. I kept talking about how foul that was and how I could not believe anyone would do that.

Shit, it was real…To this day, no one knows, especially him.

On the next episode of Katy is a (not so)secret drunk – throwing up in the hot soccer players BMW on the freeway.

EL February 4, 2010 at 5:31 am

So I attend the finest community college in all the land. So does this retarded guy. He has whatever mental illness that leads him to standing in the middle of campus singing at the top of his lungs. What would be your first thought, “sing to yourself retard no one wants to hear that”? Maybe, but not yesterday. I had a major freak out, I realized I knew exactly what words he would sing next…”my love is all I have to give.” Oh em gee retard knows classic Backstreet?! I knew that we could be great friends if I went up to him and finished singing “without you I don't think I can live I wish I could give the world to you but love is all I have to give” but then I started thinking, WWKKASFJSD!(What Would Kim K And Snooki From Jersey Shore Do) So I just kept walking to my car. Thats it. Oh and this is no confession just a thanks to YOU I got chewed out by my boss at work for missing work on Monday when I was *sick*-laying in bed playing on that stupid celebrity face matcher you posted about! But it was worth it for 2 reasons, 1 I got matched up with Jessica Alba and 2 my boyfriend got matched up with an Asian women just like you did. Hilarious.

heisschic February 4, 2010 at 10:38 am

if i'm at a “friend's” house
(clearly one of those friends that i don't really like- but seem to hang out with anyways. shush your face we all have those friends)

anywho, if i'm at one of their homes and they happen to be out of toilet paper, i will use a washcloth.

and then put it back.

should've stocked up on the tp before having people over, dolls.

…this is also why i dont use washcloths.

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