I'm funny

Confession Friday: Featuring Cuhrazzzy poop and really weird people.

January 22, 2010
Time to shut this week down and kill the dirty smirk on it’s face like it’s all, I really did a number on you. Screw you week. It’s Friday and Single Guy is in town so there may be pictures and I MAY post them. Although SG really wants me to do this so he can brag on HIS blog about HIS face and get girls. We’ll see… Anyway on to the confessions. I can’t believe I am still saying this but puhlease do not confess anything that will make me an accessory to your crime. I have no time for the po-po. Po-po shut it down down. On to the rules for the new modg-ers  1) Read the confessions below. These are the best of last week’s CF. Also the weirdest people I know. 2) Confess in the comments and only ONLY include confessions **Many of you ignore this rule though you assholes** 3) Check back next week to see if you are featured as my newest weirdest bestest internet friend.

*Yes the only prize is my respect and acknowledgement
my notes are in blue.

Polite Pooper Confession:
Shandal said…
Whenever I use a public restroom or if anyone is an earshot away from the restroom, I always grab some toilet paper and muffle my butthole. That way in case I get attacked by a surprise fart no one will hear it. *I’ve never heard of this tactic. Butthole muffler, amazing.

Awkward and Slightly Uncomfortable Confession:
Semi-Slacker Mom said…
My sole source of extra income comes from my husband paying me for sexual favors & sometimes I really don’t like my children. *Just the first part but I’m not judging.

My Confession mixed in so B doesn’t see it very easily Confession:
B had a big gift card to Banana Republic. I had a secret 40% off discount that was good for one time only. I could have helped B use the gift card to max advantage, but I kept it for myself instead. I did find out later that he had the SAME coupon but also secret. We are both evil shoppers.

Really Crazy and Very Secret Confession:
GirlyAtLaw said…
Long time reader, first time confessor.
I can’t tell anyone this, so I’m confessing it to all of you. My boyfriend of almost 7yrs and I had a foursome (no swinging though bc I’d never have sex with anyone but my bf) with our best friends who are also in a long term relationship. We were all pretty drunk and pretty loud at our friends new apartment.
I’m come off as very proper and the least likely to engage in this sort of thing (I’m 25, in law school, from conservative affluent family) and I totally plan on having my will say something like To my children I bequeath all my worldy possessions and assets and BTW I had a 4-some with your father and A and E (who we totally plan on taking family vacations with when we all have children). *Ok I spent like all weekend trying to figure this out. What is a 4some but not swinging stuff? I asked a lot of people too. No one is sure. She is also way confidential. 

Cool because it was in another country so I’m not getting in trouble Confession:
Julie said…
My junior year of college I went on Spring Break to Acapulco. During one night out, the bar we were at had a wet t-shirt contest. This was a large and very fancy bar (as fancy as a bar that holds wet tshirt contests can be) and all the girls were up on stage with me and my group of friends standing way in the back. In my drunken state, I threw my beer bottle toward the stage and somehow, someway it made it across the entire bar and hit one of the wet t-shirt contestants smack dab on the head. Well, the bar immediately stopped the contest and shone the spotlight on the area I was standing. And me being all of nothing pounds and having drunk my weight in alcohol, totally pretended I did not do it. Push almost came to shove when the bar owners said they had a camera and I told them to watch it and they’ll see I didn’t do it. Thank the Lord Almighty that I was in the blindspot of the camera so I could continue to deny my involvement in peace. Well, they eventually found some guy that was in the same area I was standing and took him off to the Mexican jail for the night. I feel bad that he had to spend the night in Mexican jail, but there is no way I would have survived that. *I would have done the SAME THING. All of it, including the bottle throwing. 

I think everyone does this Confession but I can’t because I’m not on the pill Confession:
Sara said…
My husband thinks it was an accident, but I totally got pregnant on purpose. Yep. I didn’t just miss ONE pill, I missed ONE PACK of pills. And all that crazy hotel sex? Just extra insurance to make sure it worked.

CONFESSION PRINCESS OF THE WEEK!! Gini said…I drank a shit-ton of vodka once (pun intended) and blacked out at a friends. After she let me rave around in my room for a bit while she chatted online, she noticed that I soon became quiet. She came to check on me and let out a horrified scream (which is the first thing I remember after drinking half a bottle of vodka with pineapple), because I had pulled down my pants, nestled my little butt against the wall by my bed, and expelled the tastiest river of poo you may have never seen (*WORST description ever of poop). I then acted indignant that she would ever accuse me of doing such a low-class thing, as I wondered why my pants were down and I tumbled off the edge of the bed. (*BAHAHAHAHA) She threw me in the shower, where I promptly curled into child’s pose, threw up vodka and juice into the drain, and shat on my foot. “Hey. You shat on your foot.” “…I’m aware.” She further remarked that the one turd looked like it was on a plate, consisting of the soles of my feet. THEN, I had to sleep on the couch with my head near a potted plant that had a colony of gnats in it. I shudder to think of what they did on my face. I spent the entire next day cleaning up my poopy ass-painting and wondering why the eff I thought it was a great idea to eat Indian before getting drunk. Truly the worst hangover EVER and the smell really exacerbated it. Oh, and I have never touched vodka since. (*I love everything about this story from the way it’s written, to the ballsy attitude, to the not giving a shit, literally, to the gnats. One of my all time favorites. GREAT work Gini. You all should look up to her.)

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  • Moomby January 22, 2010 at 3:20 pm

    Gina is my hero.

    90% of the time I'm wearing a tunic or loose-fitting top over tight jeans, my pants are unzipped. I show this to my friends because I'm proud of my ingenuity and they tell me I need to stop telling people about this.

  • Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic January 22, 2010 at 3:21 pm

    OMG – I'm crying from laughing at Gina's confession – PURE GOLD! And so is that Siri picture!

    Confession: When I was little one of my friends was always at my house hanging out. So many times she would do things she shouldn't and I would catch the blame. One day I got fed up and carved her name in my parent's antique coffee table. When my mom found it she went ape shit. I sat back and watched the fireworks. To this day I can't believe we're still friends, my guess is her memory blocked out my mothers psycho rant.

  • sarah January 22, 2010 at 3:24 pm

    I spent my NYE trying to teach a 9 year old how to drop it like it's hot.

  • Nessa January 22, 2010 at 3:27 pm

    I have no confession. I'm just living vicariously.

    Boy Meets Girl in 55

  • Courtney January 22, 2010 at 3:28 pm

    So glad that Shandal won an award! She is my real life friend!

    When I was in college my roommate (a friend from HS) became friends with a girl on our floor who was a total whore! She and I didn't get along at all. The night before the last final she came into our room while I was sleeping and said, “Fuck off bitch!” I still to this day don't know why. I got up and went to her room to chew her out. She wasn't there, but her door was open. I went on to the bathroom. There I cornered her in a stall and yelled at her for about 15 minutes for being such a bitch. That night she retaliated by keying my car (that was a graduation present from my parent-brand new). She claimed that I locked her out of her room and that's why she did it. I got the police involved and sued her for the amount it would take to fix my car-$2500.00. She ended up owing it to me. I found a place to get my car fixed for half the price. So I pocketed about $1300.00. That's not my confession though. I totally locked her dorm room door before I cornered her in the bathroom to rip her a new one!

  • Masala Chica January 22, 2010 at 3:38 pm

    I am cracking up at Shandal. That is hysterical.


    P.S. – am still trying to work through the whole four some thing. I hope this doesn't repeat itself on a disney cruise.

  • sarah January 22, 2010 at 3:40 pm

    LOL is not allowed, unless it is followed by a confession. Please read the rules and act accordingly or you may be asked to leave.

    Sparkle hugs,

  • Gini January 22, 2010 at 3:43 pm

    BIATCH, it's GINI. Like in the bottle. Yes, I've heard all the pick-up lines.

    😉 That one always has people in tears of mirth.

    Confession #2: There's a girl I was friends with like ten years ago, and I thought she was Teh Awesome. Pretty and cool and smart and brassy, and she was a massage therapist and that was so neat! We hung out all the time and I thought we were good friends. Much much later, I found out she thought I was obnoxious and inappropriate and she was ashamed to be my friend, so she'd been talking smack about me that whole time! I was hurt and crawled away and eventually my hurt turned to anger because WHAT! THE! EFF!

    Two years ago I got curious about her so I looked her up. I got her email but not much else, and for some stupid reason was dying to know if her life sucked or not bc really, mine is the bomb-diggity and I want to feel superior.

    So I hacked into her email account.

    It wasn't very hard. I just guessed the make and model of her first car based on when we were hanging out, and it was right. Then I requested her myspace and facebook passwords and squirreled them away. When she reset her email password after my hack, I tried the myspace password on her email and it was right.

    And I have been regularly checking all three accounts ever since. I don't do anything in them. I just like to know that she has no idea I'm evilly, bitchily, creepily invading her privacy so completely. 😀

  • saltsays January 22, 2010 at 3:43 pm

    Suri looks like she's sad for all the poor peons out on the street.

    These are fantastic. Confession Princess definitely deserved.

    Let's see confession: I had a photo of myself with one of my exes in a frame and then he was a major d-bag and I dumped him. But I still really liked that picture of myself, so I photoshopped Ryan Reynolds' head over his and reprinted it out for the frame.

  • Cee January 22, 2010 at 3:44 pm

    All right, I have been saving this one and wasn't sure if I would confess it…but here is goes. One time I was driving home from a weekend away and I stopped at my parents for dinner. Even though I had totally had a huge breakfast (of creamed chip beef—no that isn't the confession either, although it is embaressing) my mom had made stuffed shells so I pigged out on those. About 15 minutes from my apartment (on the highway, no place to pull over) my stomach started making weird gurgling noises. I figured I could make it so I kept driving. The I started getting these shooting poop pains. I tried to fart a little…but I sharted instead.

    At first it was just a little bit but then it kept creeping out and I couldn't stop. I diarrhea-ed in my pants. Thank God I wasn't wearing a thong because my boy short underware acted as a diaper and kept most of the poop off my car seat.

    The worst was when I got home I had to run through my apartment parking lot holding my butt to keep the poop from falling out everywhere.

    No actually, the worst was cleaning it all up. I had to get into the tub then spent hours steralizing not only the tub but everywhere I had walked or touched while poopy.

  • Ice Queen January 22, 2010 at 3:46 pm

    I'm not sure if I could top the poop confession if I tried.

  • Shandal January 22, 2010 at 4:02 pm

    You guys all laugh at my butthole muffler technique, but you know that you're going to start doing it too! Ha! Thanks for thinking my confession was worth pointing out.

    I'll be back later to confess.

  • LMJ January 22, 2010 at 4:24 pm

    BUTTHOLE MUFFLER!! Screw it! Let them hear my farts–I don't care!
    Gini's confession, LOVED IT!!

    Since these are drinking confessions,

    My confession: Ok, so my family thinks I'm a saint. I lost my virginity “old”–as in not when I was a teenager, like many of you, I didn't really drink (that much), didn't smoke weed… Anyway, they consider me this goody doody too shoes. But one time, during college, I went out partying with a group of friends. (this is one of the reasons why I rarely drink) We went to this club which had a karaoke bar on the side. All my friends had signed up to sing, so we were sort of hanging out for a while. I got sooo drunk, I couldn't even hold my head up. Then, someone started singing my favorite song, and I jumped up. I ran to the stage, took the microphone away from the bitch who was singing, and began to sing, as she stood there stunned. All my friends were cheering and yelling. I heard a few boo's, and I'm thinking that they're saying: “boobs, boobs, boobs…!” I took my top off and I continued to sing, topless.

    I don't remember much, except lots of loud cheering and whistling. I remember very little after that, but I do remember two security guards who had me by my arms, and were leading me out of the club One of them is literally holding my shirt over my chest to cover my boobs. My two BFF's are running behind saying “oh shit! Oh shit!” The pushed me out of the door and I drunk stumbled forward. I turned to face a closed door and I threw my shirt at it. One of my BFF's had to wrestle me to put it on.
    The next day, I was hung over, and had guys' names and their phone numbers written all over my arms and boobs. :{ Never again.

  • Sarah RDH January 22, 2010 at 4:51 pm

    2 days ago, my 3 yr old made me cry, bc I told him to flush the toilet, and he said he did, I said that I didn't hear it and he better go back and do it. He screamed that I was a liar. And I burst into tears.

    *He DID flush I guess.*

  • Morgan January 22, 2010 at 4:57 pm

    My husband dated this girl from Australia and was pretty serious about her. She was younger than me and had a cute accent… Hated the bitch. So what did I do? Added her as a friend on Myspace and started chatting it up. I controlled the rage and was nice, she actually ended up being nice, and we both had a mutual hatred for another one of my husband's exes. Naturally, we teamed up and created a fake profile with some random hot guy surfer's picture on it and started talking to this other ex. We sent messages for months, eventually leading to this girl wanting to meet up. He said he would, but he never showed. What a douche, right?

    We are evil.

    The best part is that I originally posted this little story on my blog last year (http://mrspriss.com/2009/02/26/is-this-so-wrong/) with the sole intention of bringing the Australian ex-girlfriend out of the woodwork because I freaking KNEW that chick was reading my blog in silence. It worked, she commented, I am awesome. The end.

  • jessalyn January 22, 2010 at 5:24 pm

    my current manfriend…he was totally still with his girlfriend when we started “getting together”. in itself- kinda sucky. but what really makes me a total biotch- the reason that she wasn't around to kick my ass…she was in afghanistan fighting for our country. and she was giving him money towards the house/the dog…he totally spent that money on me.

  • Aunt Juicebox January 22, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    Ok ok ok , obviously you have a poo fetish, MODG, so I am going to finally confess my poo story. We were on vaykay in Myrtle beach and we had gone to the outlet mall to shop. I'd eaten something for lunch that disagreed with me and as we were in some store, I think Carters or something, I realized I had to go NOW. I told my SIL and my daughter I had to go to the bathroom and I walked all the way to the nearest bathroom which wasn't all that close and by the time I got there, I had pooped a little in my underwear. The bathroom was crazy busy so it's not like I could wash them out or anything, and I wasn't carrying a purse. I refused to put dirty drillies in with my newly purchased stuff, so I rolled them up and stuck them in what we call the “surprise box” (you know, the one that holds used sanitary items) because there were a lot of people in the bathroom and I couldn't walk out of the stall and put them in the big trash can. Sorry to whomever had to empty that one out, if you're reading this.

  • Juliana January 22, 2010 at 8:09 pm

    So what is Single Guys Blog? Is he writing about you on there? He better!

  • AJ January 22, 2010 at 8:11 pm

    After the poop one, I know there is no hope. LOL! So gross!

    When I was a teenager, I used to steal 20s out of my dad's wallet. He seemed to always have so much money, he never seemed to notice.

    But when he DID notice, he always blamed my mom, and they would get in big fights about it. The best part: I didn't steal the money to buy drugs or anything, I usually just used it to buy clothes and crap I didn't need.

    They gave me around $20 a week for my allowance, and would give me whatever I needed on the weekend for going out with friends… I just stole it to spend money and be a bitch. It's true.

  • Nahl January 23, 2010 at 11:20 am

    Dude, you need an award for posting this!
    Thoroughly entertaining.
    I love Shandal's.
    In Pakistan, we have a shower next to the pot..after pooping we wash ourselves using that. So while I'm peeing or shitting, I turn the shower on so if anyone is right outside the bathroom door, they only get to hear the sound of the water!

  • Shandal January 23, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    Sometimes I buy outfits for special occasions and wear them with the tags on so I can return them.

  • Chief January 23, 2010 at 2:18 pm

    Butthole muffler


  • Stephanie January 23, 2010 at 5:42 pm

    So… when I was 6, I though I had this really awesome special talent. I would show anyone who would give me the time of day. My talent? Flaring my nostrils much wider than the average person. Gross. Needless to say, I didn't have many friends.

  • Semi-Slacker Mom January 23, 2010 at 7:24 pm

    I give my children Benedryl to make them sleep OFTEN!!!

    They have to be asleep before I start my night job.

  • Kiera January 23, 2010 at 7:44 pm

    After mourning for approximately 8 days after I didn't win last Friday, I'm back. I'm so good that I don't have much to confess:

    My husband waxes my face. my entire face. like, bearded lady entire face. Why would i drop at least $50 at a salon (if not double that) if I have a box of Sally Hansen and strong arms?

    Oh, and this occurs about every 3-4 weeks. Or at least it should.

    My dignity is begging me to tell you that I go to the salon for the other wax jobs.

  • allycat2589 January 24, 2010 at 1:29 am

    When my boyfriend and I first got together, I was the “other woman” and we were together for almost a year before I decided it wasn't enough for me anymore and he didn't want to leave his kids. Not 3 weeks after we broke off the sexual side of our relationship, his girlfriend tells him she wants to bring another woman into the relationship. I'm dating her too for the sole purpose of getting to be a part of his life.

  • Erin January 24, 2010 at 8:11 am

    Omg. The poop painting. Omg. There are no words. I have tears streaming down my face. LOVE IT!

  • scrub and uggs January 24, 2010 at 1:42 pm

    My first confession.

    The rule in our house is whoever sees the cat vomit first has to clean it, so my brother and I tend to just ignore it until our mom finds because, lets face it, no one wants to clean up cat vom. What's the longest a stain has been there? Six months under the foozeball table.

  • Julie January 24, 2010 at 4:13 pm

    Eek! I can't believe I won. I am adding this to my resume. Finally, I will have something to list under the “awards and honors” section.

    Let's see if we* can go for another win.

    Here is my confession:

    When I was in highschool, I ran cross country. And when you run in a big group, you inevitably pace yourselves with those that have a similar speed, fitness level, race style, etc. For me, it was two girls, K and A. The three of us always ran together. On one particular long distance training run, like 7 or 8 miles or something like that, all three of us had to go #2 at the same time. What are the chances, huh? And it's kind of hard to hold it in when you're running and still a good solid distance from where you will stop running and there are no public restrooms around. At the moment, we were running through a wooded part of town that had recently been cleared for some new development. So, we stopped in a house that was under construction and found an old bucket and took turns doo-dooing in the bucket. From that day forward we secretly referred to ourselves as the Poo Poo Pals.

    *and by we, I mean me and my confessions

  • Kristin January 24, 2010 at 4:24 pm

    Holy crap…the muffler. I will now have that in my head every time I enter a public restroom!

  • Savvy Gal January 24, 2010 at 11:03 pm

    I can't stop laughing. I am with Kristin, I won't look at public restroom the same anymore. : )

  • Kimberly January 24, 2010 at 11:27 pm

    Okay…Confession. I have so much I would not know where to begin…my most recent…

    I bought two VERY expensive pieces of art and did not tell my husband. We have so much art that I am running out of places to put it all.

    Anyway, I am having the art gallery deliver it to a friend of mine, and then I will sneak it into the house.

    I still have two pieces of art that an artist friend of mine is holding. My husband often calls me LUCY! Since I always have a scheme I am thinking about pulling.

  • Chelle January 24, 2010 at 11:31 pm

    Gina is hilarious! Seriously…how funny was that entire post?! Hahaha!

    Hm. Confession.

    At my old job many moons ago there was this guy who I thought was incredibly hot. Not kidding. Gorgeous. This may or may not have been my opinion due to how much alcohol I used to consume. So one nite we were at work with everyone. He had to go and do money counting or close down or something. Anyhow. He asked if I could help him. Little did he know that I could help him in more ways than one. We totally made out and when I walked out later I reapplied my lip gloss and went back to work. When he came out later one of the girls asked me why his face was sparkly. I totally acted like I had no clue and she never could figure it out.

    Lame? Maybe. Hooking up at work? Totally hot.

  • +++ Lilee January 25, 2010 at 12:35 am

    nice blog!

  • ZDub January 25, 2010 at 2:26 am

    When I was in college, I got pretty wasted with some friends. We decided to shoot bottle rockets out of the second story window. Out of my belly button ring. At a homeless guy. And then fire shots at the said homeless guy with a BB gun.

    Once the fun was over, I decided to go home. I stopped at the 7-11, popped over to a friend's apartment, probably somewhere else as well. I don't really remember much after the BB gun. When I woke up the next day (with burn marks all over my stomach that scarred and are still there), I noticed that someone had inscribed “Will Fuck For Food” on my shirt in black marker. You know, the shirt I had been wearing all night.

    End scene.

  • Miri January 25, 2010 at 4:36 am

    I really like yout blog, it's original and wellwritten! I think I'll actually follow you =)

  • GirlyAtLaw January 25, 2010 at 4:52 am

    One night while traveling through my family's country of origin my grandparents and I ended up at a B&B in the middle of nowhere run by a family with a son around 14 years old. While we were checking in he kept checking me out, probably because I looked a lot closer to 16 than 10 years old. This place and the family were a bit Bates Motel meets Deliverance, if you know what I mean!
    Later that night my grandmother asked me if I had been pooping since we'd been abroad. I told her I pooped a little bit once and she gave me a pill so that I wouldn't get sick from the change in diet. Of course barely pooping was normal for me because I barely ever ate any thing, but she didn't know this, and of course the “pill” she gave me was a giant laxative!!!!
    There was no AC in this place so I was just wearing a long t-shirt and undies and the shared bathroom (with no one because we're obvi the only crazies to stay there) was down the hall near the stairs. About 30 minutes after I get in bed I have to go to the bathroom down the hall like 10 times. I was back and forth so much that my grandfather got annoyed and was all “Are you serious, you're pooping again? J.C. did you feed her the whole pack of laxatives” to my grandmother.
    To make things worse, every time I go down the hall the creepy son is at the bottom of the stairs looking up trying to see under my not quite long enough t-shirt as I'm pulling it down to cover myself. Eventually I think his parents made him go to bed, so while I was pooing my brains out he was probably wanking himself silly.
    Finally… FINALLY! I stop pooping. We check out the next morning and that creepy wanker is lurking around me and says something in [language redacted to protect my identity lol] that I totally can't understand but I'm sure was way creepy since he had followed us to our car! I get in the car and slam the door in the little weirdo's face and he just stands there while we drive away.
    [this is the part where you think the story ends but it really just gets worse]
    So where driving along in the beautiful countryside and after a few hours I tell my grandfather that I have to go to the bathroom as soon as we find somewhere to stop. Getting him to stop when he is driving is like getting Bill Clinton to admit he had sexual relations with that woman, so of course he flies right by the first place we see in miles!
    I'm all, I realllly need to use the bathroom so stop at the next place you see please! We literally drive for 30 mins and I'm crossing legs, my fingers, my eyes… so I tell him that if he doesn't hurry up I'm going to poo myself!
    He speeds through town, hits a giant bump in the road, I fly off my seat, hit my head on the roof of the car, shit myself in the backseat of the rental car!
    I casually tell them that they don't need to rush any more because I no longer have to go and I burst out in hysterical laughter because, hello, I just shat myself in a rental car! Until they smell it they don't believe me and then we're all laughing hysterically.
    We finally find this weird outdoor 3rd world cement outhouse type thing! (for the record we're in one of the most modern European countries in the world) My grandmother has to go in my suitcase, get me clean undies and shorts, some wet-wipes, and a plastic bag to dispose of everything in. To add insult to injury I had to waddle past a group of men on their lunch break and then walk back past wearing new clothes and holding a bag full of nasty.
    As we drove away, laughing, my grandmother nonchalantly mentions that she only gave me half the recommended dosage!

    *btw last weeks “no swinging” thing just meant no sex-sex with any one but your own partner but everything else (oral, foreplay, hj…) was ok.

  • court. January 25, 2010 at 8:40 am

    I just laid the biggest fart in bed with the guy I just started dating. He was sleeping but I'm pretty sure it was so rank it woke the both of us up. I pretended to be asleep.

  • Molly Lahr January 25, 2010 at 12:34 pm

    I have been thinking about this for a long time, and when I walked into the bathroom this morning at work, it sealed the deal. I am going to HUNT down and PUNCH the woman in this office that effing lays her female rot every time she goes into the bathroom!

    Here is how it plays out in my head…Since my office is very near the women's bathroom (lingering female rot smell – not good for productivity)and I can hear the door opening and shutting, I will follow each perp into the bathroom and interrogate them as to why they don't carry a GD can of air freshener with them to at least attempt to cover up their stink. I will then wait until they are out of the stall, squirt them with potpourri shit in their face, and then hit them.

    I have had this daydream for the last several weeks, and am not sure I will be able to hold off any longer. I can smell it right now…

    **As a side note – I love a good fart or shit, but this constant stank is really wearing on me.

  • Juliana January 25, 2010 at 5:23 pm

    Everyday I struggle with keeping the secret that the SG in my life is sleeping with one of our friend's wife. I don't blame him as much as her & all I want to do is post it on her Facebook wall for all to see what a lying C*NT she is. I can't do that, for fear she will retaliate & share some of my secrets.

  • Cuddleslut January 25, 2010 at 9:44 pm

    After my ex-boyfriend and I broke up, I still had to hang out at his house a lot because we had friends in common and they lived together.

    I went to use the bathroom (a dirty dirty bathroom in a house full of 4 boys) and there was pee ALL OVER the toilet seat. So I grabbed the towel, that I knew was his (cuz I bought it), wiped the seat very carefully and did my thang. Muwahaha.

  • Typhoid Ashley January 26, 2010 at 2:32 am

    Okay, so I was at a party recently and as it's one of those parties where all the girls love each other and don't care about sharing a bathroom, I went to the bathroom with two other girls. We walked in and someone had BLOWN UP the place. It smelled like a public restroom at a raunchy bar. I'm secretly grateful because I have to fart – BAD. So I hop on the toilet first and pee. Um, I don't have to fart, I have to shit. And as I'm hopping up trying to camouflage my dirty deed, one girls sees it. So I played dumb and “freaked out” about how it must have been there and that's why the bathroom stinks. I think I pulled off a good freak out because the girls believed me. But I still feel horribly guilty.

  • Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic January 26, 2010 at 3:30 pm

    Confession: I've had the worst week already and it's only Monday… (I know this won't count or be entertaining but)… this is the only thing keeping me a float right now.

    Reading these confessions is keeping a smile on my face. Is this sad, or brilliant on my part?

    For the record I have no idea where this case of the “cry baby” is coming from PMS is over and I”m too young for “the change” JEBUS HELP ME!