This Post Makes Me Less Cool. Hard to do….

So I wasn’t going to write this post because 1) It makes me look less awesome and 2) people will get mad. But then I realized that’s pretty much the basis for my whole blog so on with the show.

I’m throwing a holiday party on Friday. Before you sent me flaming hate mail about why you weren’t invited, hold your roll. This is a small local gathering. I’m not even providing booz. How am I getting away with that you ask? Simple. You call it a wine and app party and you make everyone bring the wine, then you drink their wine. It works out really well.
Why am I less awesome because of this? Because cool and awesome people just casually throw parties and are totally like, whatever I just pulled this crab shit out of the oven and here I am lounging around in my caftan drinking scotch, and yeah sure, hang out, whatever, I don’t care. This in all ways is NOT me. I am obsessive, and crazy and a perfectionist meth addict. I mean….not that last part.
I’m so not cool and collected about parties. And you know what’s even less cool? …Me telling this to you right now, and the people coming to my parties. I at least want to trick them into thinking I’m like the girl detailed in paragraph 3. But I’m putting it out there of how I’m so not. Ready? I created a buffet tablescape for 1 hour yesterday and then again after work, I have created the all necessary “lighting concept”, I have 3 sparkle outfit options in case of emergency (or quick changes like award show hosts) and I have a list of projects for B to complete, and that’s not even getting into the holiday décor I’ve engineered.

Last night B was tasked with hanging festive crystals from the mirror over the fireplace. He seriously gave me this look like, “Is this what our lives are gonna be like?” and I shot him back with “you know it brother, get hanging”. He also had to carve the jesus cross and jew star into the pumpkins…yeah it’s that kind of party. After that he threw a mini fit and went upstairs to leave me to my holiday cheer.
Then sleepy times come and I usually don’t sleep. I lay there running even more outfits, app options, ipod playlists, and décor option through my skizo brain. Why am I SUCH an f-ing nut case? Well many reasons, but one is that I am an ex wedding planner…and not just my own wedding. A perfect party needs to be perfect and I will obsess until it is. This is probably why I’m an EX wedding planner. Actually, that’s another story for another day.
So if you’re coming to my party on Friday. Lucky. If you’re not, I just don’t like you that much. That’s not true. If you’re reading my blog I would love to have you simply for you to tell me how much you love my blog (that makes me feel famous). But if you are there, pretend like you never read this and comment on my casual coolness.
Wish me luck…and some non-crazy person sleep please. I’ll let you know about the tablescape.

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POSTED IN: Awesome things,B,Drunk Stuff,Sharing


Mary-Jane December 8, 2009 at 7:51 am

I'm assuming I didn't get an invite because I live in the most isolated city in the world. Bygones… oh.. and we don't know each other. There is that.

Ahem. You are so casually cool that you make cargos and flip flops look uptight.

BigSis December 8, 2009 at 8:10 am

Wow. That is definitely a grown up party.

amy December 8, 2009 at 8:21 am

I FULLY RELATE to this post. Please send me photos because without a doubt this party will be FABULOUS!

tincupchalice December 8, 2009 at 8:32 am

Can't wait to see the pics! I'm not having my annual holiday party because I went way overboard last year and I just felt like I couldn't do anything half-assed this year but I don't have the funds I did last year … so there in lies the rub. Oh well, maybe by next year people will forget how awesome it was before. Nonetheless, hope yours is fantastic!

♥Aubrey December 8, 2009 at 8:34 am

Get your Martha Stewart pants on & drink a Red Bull…i think you're ready :)-

Can't wait to see pics. Sparkles are my favorite…DISCO BALL? Lol

Rachel McPhillips December 8, 2009 at 8:34 am

I totally relate. My husband thinks I'm a crazy person when it comes to parties. We have an open house earlier this year… and I HAD to pressure wash any and all concrete around our house. And backed into said pressure washer with my new car.

Cee December 8, 2009 at 8:39 am

Do you label the serving dishes with a post it saying what eventually will be put in to it ahead of time just to plan? That's a little habit I picked up from my OCD party planning mother.

sarah December 8, 2009 at 8:56 am

Now I'm pissed. Where the eff was my invite? You know I always travel for wine.

Nevermind. In the spirit of acting all effortless cool, I'm not even upset. In fact, I'm pretty busy, so I probably couldn't even make it anyway.

sarah December 8, 2009 at 8:56 am

Now I'm pissed. Where the eff was my invite? You know I always travel for wine.

Nevermind. In the spirit of acting all effortless cool, I'm not even upset. In fact, I'm pretty busy, so I probably couldn't even make it anyway.

jessalyn December 8, 2009 at 9:04 am

oh please, you are so awesome that admitting you are a little crazy about something makes you even more awesome. i will wish you luck, but i do not think you will need it because your awesomeness will radiate into the party. (sorry- i have a blog crush on you, so you can do no wrong as far as i am concerned).

hey, are you free september of 2011? i want to have a wedding and i do not know the first thing about planning it.

Corrie Howe December 8, 2009 at 9:15 am

You sound like my mom. Every party she has is a huge production and she has parties often.

It sounds like to me you want a daughter, if you decide to go the way of diaper genies (based upon your comments on my blog).

As a daughter of a party planner, don't make your daughter fee guilty the rest of her life if she's just not as talented as you.

Courtney December 8, 2009 at 9:32 am

I bet your party will be fabulous! I def think you need to do outfit changes like award show hosts!

Aunt Juicebox December 8, 2009 at 9:37 am

I would have parties too, if I had any real friends. Next year I'm throwing a po'dunk version of Blogher.

Dual Mom December 8, 2009 at 9:39 am

It's nice to see that you have errr umm hmmm faults (do I dare even use that word in your presence?)

I relate to this. I have a “do” on December 23rd. I was obviously drunk when I agreed to host anything on Dec 23rd.

Your party will be perfect, I have no doubt!

Dollface December 8, 2009 at 9:41 am

Can I still complain that I am not invited to the holiday shindig?? Darn… ok fine…. but this is hysterical :) xxxoo

Bj in Dallas December 8, 2009 at 9:49 am

pictures please. sounds like it will be SO planned out and perfect, but look like something you just threw together.

Note to anyone reading this that is having a party. Turn off the f-in overhead lights, use a few lamps and light some candles. I have gone to parties that the room is so bright, it looks like a runway at LAX …
And have the music going before the first person walks in.
Thank you.

Lee the Hot Flash Queen December 8, 2009 at 9:49 am

I love your blog, and that's why I'm here even though I didn't get invited to your dang party which is fine cuz I have plans…BIG plans…like movie night with my kids…that's how big.

Kate December 8, 2009 at 9:52 am

Have a great time at the party (sulks due to lack of invite) Hope you are going to keep us posted on how it went.

Kate xx

Martinis or Diaper Genies? December 8, 2009 at 9:55 am

Thanks BJ! I'm open to more awesome party tips. Bring them forth.

Essie the Accidental Mommy December 8, 2009 at 9:58 am

Just go to Chuck E Cheese. Much easier.


Lisa December 8, 2009 at 10:05 am

Oh my goodness, good luck! Yikes to hosting parties. There's a reason I don't throw them. Actually, lots of them — because my apartment doesn't naturally smell like Sorority Girl, and I'm afraid to make anyone eat anything I've cooked, and I don't have a Wii, and I hate getting to that point where I'm like “Get outta my house already so I can put on sweatpants and pass out on the couch.” So I have the highest respect for what you are doing! Have fun!

DG at Diary of a Mad Bathroom December 8, 2009 at 10:14 am

By the time you've had a litter of children, some of that perfectionistic stuff will wear away. I was much the same in my 20's and now I try to go for casual elegance over orchestrated perfection. Good luck! I totally relate to the ongoing checklist in your head.

sarah December 8, 2009 at 10:18 am

Personally, I strive for neither casual elegance nor orchestrated perfection. When I have a party, I try my best not too get so drunk that I pass out before the guests leave and cross my fingers that no one gets food poisoning.

B-Dub December 8, 2009 at 10:23 am

Cool and collected. Thats totally you! I have never seen you NOT in control. Oh wait, I never actually seen you…

And you are SOOO famous. At least in the blog world, and that all that matters! Right?

Tiffany December 8, 2009 at 10:25 am

you might be my white twin…i so want to be that girl that can slap a party together and have eveything be perfect without so much as a list or nervous, ocd breakdown

Nessa December 8, 2009 at 10:26 am

I have a previous engagement otherwise I would so crash your party just to see the magnificent table scape.

Yes, We Have No Bananas

Working Mommy December 8, 2009 at 10:31 am

Phew!! Sounds like it is going to be a great party! I can totally relate to your OCD about details, though, because I too am a wedding planner (current – not ex). I feel your pain!


Summer (BisforBrown) December 8, 2009 at 10:59 am

I am the same way. I freak before. I have no clue what to do. Then I make it all too early and everyone arrives late. You can do this. Add wine to the mix and life is simple. Tablescapes make me want to barf.

Big Boops December 8, 2009 at 11:28 am

okay MODG, i have admitted before that I thought you were funny. I do. But what made me actually fall in love with you (in a non-sexual way of course, but love none-the-less)?

I was just over on SFTC enjoying her post and glancing over comments and *gasp****doublegasp*** saw that you are a fellow pansy. woohoo! all of my sisters and pledge class would make fun of me for being almost 29 and drooling all over some blog about being a tri delta, but wth! WoopWoop! so now I really love you . . . just sayin

LMJ December 8, 2009 at 11:58 am

When I have parties, I usually wrote on invitations for people to be ready to surrender their car keys, and to be ready to camp at my house if too drunk.

The only problem I faced with parties is that I always have this one lame friend who cannot find a sitter for her kids and will bring them along. One of my other friends loves to take her clothes off as soon as she's drunk.

One rule I make for having a party, is that I invite all my neighbors around my cod-du-sac(I always forget how to spell that sh*t) that way, they won't mind I have a party. Most of them come, except for the lady who lives next to me. She's never come to any of my parties, but is still a real nice neighbor.
I love all my neighbors. We take turns throwing parties at each other's garage.

That one girl December 8, 2009 at 12:00 pm

See, it's the crazy planners that make a party so awesome! I bet it's going to be great!

I'm a little too casual. He last party, I forgot about water. I mean, who the hell drinks water at a party anyway, right?! There was, however, plenty of RUM!

Shandal December 8, 2009 at 12:06 pm

I over obsess about parties too… maybe not to Your extent, but still. EVERYTHING MATTERS AND EVERYTHING HAS TO BE PERFECT! And it will be, b/c you're the host and there's no way that YOU could throw a lame party.

Rachel December 8, 2009 at 12:17 pm

Preach it, sister. I, too, am a recovering event planner… fate and fortune would have it that I fall off the wagon quite frequently, as a large part of my job description involves medium- to large-scale events. Conspiracy!!

My vice is that I do not know how to host (SO much better than “throw”) a party without a theme. Damn you, self-diagnosed OCD!!

Julie December 8, 2009 at 12:28 pm

I'm equally neurotic about parties. I used to be the “social chair” in my sorority, and my bf and roomates knew to steer very clear of me a week before any event because I was on a rampage….But I'm sure yours will go swimmingly…if not, snag a bottle of vino, head upstairs, throw on a sparkly doo-da and bottoms up sister..ppl are like animals, they sense you having drunken fun, they'll likely join

Ams December 8, 2009 at 12:30 pm

You kill me.
And now we need to know more about why you are an EX wedding planner.
Your party is going to be perfect… have a drink, take the edge of and enjoy yourself.
You'll be fine!!

Moooooog35 December 8, 2009 at 12:35 pm

I will be there in spirit.


Ha. Made you jump.

Clemson Girl December 8, 2009 at 12:40 pm

I asked the hubs if we could skip the party this year because the thought of planning it stressed me out. We're going to Biltmore instead! (google it if you don't know)

At least I'm skinny December 8, 2009 at 12:55 pm

I totally want to be that person in paragraph 3 but I end up following people around with carpet cleaner and paper towels the whole night and that is kind of a buzzkill.

MaeRae December 8, 2009 at 1:01 pm

WHAT! you are not a perfectionist? I don't believe it. Or did you mean you were not a meth addict…that one was hard to tell.

Elizabeth Marie December 8, 2009 at 1:16 pm

I'm an EX event planner too…so you need not explain further to me.

I think you should do 3 outfit changes. I DEMAND IT. kthxbai.

Erin December 8, 2009 at 1:40 pm

Enjoy your party & plz post pics!! especially pics of your outfits!

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 December 8, 2009 at 1:49 pm

Mmhmm, yes. A totally F-ing nut is correct. Though I wholeheartedly agree with numerous sparkly outfit changes.

Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman December 8, 2009 at 1:58 pm

I just saw in your comments that you are/were a Tri Delt … me too (squee!) … just needed to share that.

And, good luck with your party. I too am complete wackjob about hosting … nuts. Worse than nuts. Usually my husband is trying to escape from the house to file divorce papers about ten minutes before all the guests arrive. So that's fun! But then, someone brings in wine and it is magically all better.

That fab red outfit will look A-MAZ-ING with the crystal concept …

Lil' Woman December 8, 2009 at 2:10 pm

Bringing out the big guns…festive crystals and all! Good luck! :)

MiMi December 8, 2009 at 2:13 pm

This is why I don't do parties. I'm too crazy. Get some sleep! I'm sure it will be FAB because you ARE FAB! :)

I am Trish Marie December 8, 2009 at 2:24 pm

We haven't had our yearly Christmas party going on two years now. I am assuming this is because Kenny does not like the crazy lady I become who may or may not have cried one year because I was not happy about the red on the napkins and plates being a little off.

ScoMan December 8, 2009 at 2:45 pm

I'm looking forward to reading about the aftermath. I'm sure you're worked up over nothing though. The host cares more about these small details the the guests.

RedheadJen December 8, 2009 at 2:47 pm

a) love the wine and app idea where others bring the booze… saves time and money
b) get drunk – it will help de-stress
c) make sure veryone else is drunk – they will love everything
d) yay for parties! have so much fun! it'll be fab!

Existential Waitress December 8, 2009 at 3:14 pm

Something I really like about you is the fact that you like to feel famous. I have spend most of life seeking situations where I too can feel famous. When I wear sunglasses, I believe in fact that I AM famous. I wear sunglasses most of the time. Good luck with your party.

kys December 8, 2009 at 3:24 pm

This kind of stress is why I don't have parties. That and the tiny fact that I have no friends.

The Only Girl December 8, 2009 at 3:28 pm

Yes, this is EXACTLY why I hate throwing parties and avoid it at all costs. I make a much better guest . . . hint, hint.

Sarah RDH December 8, 2009 at 5:51 pm

OMG you sound like me-except since I lost my coolness-oh about 4 years ago,my party planning is only for children's b-day parties. Hubs doesn't get it, but I do spend countless hours looking for the perfect decor online, to make my kids party better than everyone else's kids party. Yeah, I'm THAT mom. And I'm not ashamed either! I figure my kids will treasure those memories someday. When I was little & I'd come home & tell my mom my class was having a christmas party, her extent of helping out was “Sign me up for the cups.”
So I totally get the sleepless nights & endless planning & decorating. And the husband who does not get it.

gayle December 8, 2009 at 7:09 pm

I hate having parties and that's why I don't do it very often. I stress when it's just family!!

nicoleantoinette December 8, 2009 at 10:28 pm

My main motivation for currently attempting to secure employment and housing in San Francisco is to throw themed parties once I get there. Most notably, I want to throw a vodka party. I don't yet know what this will entail, other than vodka, but I'm thinking I'll just roll with it.

ps- You're totally invited. If you bring your meth, I mean.

Georgina December 8, 2009 at 10:42 pm

My big sister makes Martha Stewart look like a slacker,so I have basically given up trying to be the hostess with the mostess. She was doing “green” long before Al Gore hit the road with his enviro-crusade and Captain Crunch claimed he was whole grain. Yeah, m'kay.
Your shindig will be fab, just like you. I even said so on my blog today. Come by and party on. – G

Sara December 8, 2009 at 11:56 pm

The word “tablescape” makes me nervous. I'm glad it doesn't intimidate you and make you want to curl up into the fetal position.

Not that I do that sometimes.

Chic 'n Cheap Living December 9, 2009 at 9:36 am

Hi dear, I saw you started following my blog so had to say hi! I can't wait to hear more about these tablescapes.

I'm totally the same about parties – everything has to be perfect and I get super stressed out. But the real ? is what are the snacks?!

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