Mommas, Style, Toilets

Why Kim Kardashian Makes Me Stand on a Toilet.

December 1, 2009

No, this has not turned into I am simply following through on a promise to review Kim Kardashian’s shoe styling website, services and product. For those of you unaware, Kim started a website where you pay 30 some bucks a month, you tell her that you like roses and raindrops and looking like Nicole Richie and she and her gay friends send you shoes that they think you’ll like. Here was the process for real.

I joined. Wohoo! You do have to give Kim your credit card info up front but she promises not to buy calendars of herself with your money. You then answer a questionnaire about what shoes you like, celebs you like and overall style. This was my fave part because I like stuff about me. The agreement with Kim is this: Every month she sends you 5 pictures of shoes that her and her lame-o stylist friends (i.e. a computer application) pick out. If you like one, great, you get them. If you hate them you can either click ‘no thanks not this month’ and pay nothing OR select a 2nd set of 5 shoes to choose from. So here is what happened.
I am not patient. I waited and waited and waited for my pictures of my 5 shoes. It took like 3 days. I got them. I hate them. Not only do I hate them, they are all sandals. Like FLIP FLOPS. I was all “oh no you didn’t Kim”. So not ready to give up, I select, “send me 5 new shoes”. With that you fill out a new little questionnaire about where they f’d up. This is what I said word for word.
“Excuse me Kim. Hi. I live in Philadelphia. It’s November. NOVEMBER. No flip flops. How about some boots or pumps in a nice suede. Thanks.”
From there I waited, and waited. They SAY this part takes so long because the stylists review each entry one by one. Please. Anyway, I will say, the next round they got it right. I had 5 really good choices and tada, I chose these! Let’s get these bad boys shipped. So at this point you are charged and your shoes are on the way to keep forever and ever.
Ship time. I waited and waited again. By now, this whole process has taken about 1 full month. NOT fast. I thought Kim knew a thing or two about fast and easy but I guess not.
-3 points
They arrive! Ok you know this is one of my pet peeves. HUSBAND SHIPPING SHOWCASE. Don’t these retailers know this is a cardinal sin of shipping? We don’t want the husbands to see it! PS welcome to my closet.
-5 points
Ok, let’s open this bad boy up. Ok pink. I like pink. I like purple. Oooh a shoe bag, nice touch. What’s that you say? A FREE gift? Ok I’ll take it. It’s one of those purse hangy things for the table. Eh, ok maybe. Merchandising and packaging, you got me.
+ 4 points

Ok let’s examine these bitches. Looks good. Suede is nice, stitching looks solid. So far so hot. Presentation +5
Time to leave the closet and go to where all the fashion magic happens. The bathroom. Yes that’s right we can afford shoes and sparkle clothes, but not full length mirrors in the MODG house. Not only will we be in the bathroom, we’ll be on the toilet.
Try and focus on the shoes and not the old hairspray and toilet brush. So, one thing we can all agree on is that I’m an excellent shoe model. Look at those angles? You also can get a glimpse of my rolled up PJ pants. Hot. So I really do like the shoes. They are interesting, comfortable, sturdy and a good heel height for all 5’2” of me. Let’s try something else…Hold your f-ing hats.
Is that a JCrew foot model? Here is my inspiration. No it’s just awesome me on a toilet in socks. But in an ode to Jcrew, I did it. No they aren’t gym socks. They are thin and spandexy and you know what? I kind of like it. Am I blowing your mind right now? I’m thinking little skirt and blazer.
Versatility + 3
So here they are. A new friend to my other children. Now I know they are no Loubs, but for trendy stupid shoes? Perfect. I heart them. But I will say that I just got my shoe pick again for December and I’m NOT pleased. I asked for 5 new choices. We’ll see how that goes.
But overall, we ended up with like a million positive points. (I don’t do math) so I would say, success!

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  • Tater Tot Mom December 1, 2009 at 2:59 pm

    Girl, I am loving those shoes!
    I am loving them with the socks too, reminds me of Dorothy in Wizard of Oz. Like a really sexy dominatrix like Dorothy. :)

    You crack me up…Kim is fast and easy that's for sure!

  • Betty December 1, 2009 at 3:00 pm

    Oh I soo enjoyed your post!.
    Your shoes are sexy and i love them.
    The toilet pics are too funny!

  • sarah December 1, 2009 at 3:15 pm

    I don't hate them. I want to see next month's before I can commit.

    P. S. Heels with socks makes you look like a 'tard.

  • The Shabby Princess December 1, 2009 at 3:36 pm

    I don't think I could pull off those shoes, but, you make one heck of a shoe model–I think that's your true calling in life. And they look fabulous on you!

  • jess December 1, 2009 at 3:48 pm

    you make me want to join. 30/month= 12 new pairs of shoes for me and 360.00 for the year spent on footwear. sounds dangerous for my wallet and my overstuffed closet.

    speaking of dangerous- i would have broken my neck trying to stand on my toilet in heels- so you get a million points for being all balance-y. are you a ballerina?

  • Kristin December 1, 2009 at 3:59 pm

    That was epic. Glad to hear it somewhat worked out. Have you worn those bad boys around town yet? I'm still curious about the comfort level. And the toilet sesh…priceless!

  • ZDub December 1, 2009 at 4:08 pm

    Did your husband know you were modeling footwear on the toilet and taking pictures?

    I have to do stuff like that on the DL or he will make me get a day job.

    I like the shoes.

  • Working Mommy December 1, 2009 at 4:26 pm

    I do like the shoes…and you say no matter which pair you get it is only $30 a month?? That seems to be a fabulous deal…I mean, $30 for shoes that look like THAT…heck yeah!! What a deal! The time waiting is no bueno, but nice shoes!

    ~Working Mommy
    Come on by, stay a while and leave a comment or two!!i

  • Shanny December 1, 2009 at 5:15 pm

    Love it… and the toilet shot is sooo priceless lol

  • Monique-aka-Surferwife23 December 1, 2009 at 5:16 pm

    Are you going to be mad when I tell you I was waiting for the picture of you crashing down to the floor?

  • gayle December 1, 2009 at 5:35 pm

    Love the shoes!! oh to be young again!!

  • injaynesworld December 1, 2009 at 5:37 pm

    Being a total shoe ho myself, I was tempted to join when I heard about it a few months ago, but I wondered about the quality of the shoes. Let us know how they wear. Even at $30 I don't want some piece o' crap that's going to fall apart. And yes, you have rockin' ankles.

  • BakerGirl December 1, 2009 at 5:40 pm

    The only time I didn't have to take shoe shots on the toilet was when I had a roommate in college who cared enough to buy a full length mirror. When we went our separate ways I went back to toilet shots.

    I don't care enough.

    The lag time sucks on the orders and everything but I'm sold on the presentation and 30 dollars for fun shoes! Let us know how comfortable they are!

  • Sarah RDH December 1, 2009 at 5:48 pm

    Yeah, let us know how these shoes treat your little toesies. I'd be skeptical of $30 shoes that look all trendy & designerish.

  • Kel and Jame December 1, 2009 at 5:57 pm

    Amazing shoes and thanks for checking into it for us. I may steal some of your insight, love you lots.

  • Lee the Hot Flash Queen December 1, 2009 at 5:58 pm

    So, those are really cute…$30? I looked at the site but was scared there was some kind of hidden agenda and like the Disney movie club would be getting shoes until I die and paying for them because there was no way to cancel. Any hidden stuff??

  • Erin December 1, 2009 at 6:02 pm

    Love your J. Crew modeling attempts w/ the socks…very cute shoes!

  • Dual Mom December 1, 2009 at 6:12 pm

    God is there anything you're not fabulous at? I mean, who the hell is able to stand on the toilet in 4 inch heels, taking pictures?

    I covet your shoe closet.

  • Meagan December 1, 2009 at 6:18 pm

    1. Have you researched to find out how much the shoes would have cost if you hadn't got them from Kim?
    2. Do a lot of people have mirrors by the toilet? I personally don't want to see that!
    3. I use a dining room chair in front of the mirror by the sink.
    4. Your shoes and socks combo is way cuter than the pink happening on that jcrew page.

  • AJ December 1, 2009 at 6:23 pm

    This is a very revealing post.

    It revealed your obsession with shoes.

    This is not an obsession I fully share, but it is amazing and somewhat fun to read about!

    :) You go girl! (wait, did I just type that… I am so lame)

  • Rachel McPhillips December 1, 2009 at 6:27 pm

    Super cute!!!!! I love them!

  • blueviolet December 1, 2009 at 6:46 pm

    Those are really cute! You did good and so did Kim's minions.

  • Aunt Juicebox December 1, 2009 at 6:56 pm

    Wow, I'm kind of impressed. Although I'm impatient so I would have given up if I hadn't gotten my results back in like 12 minutes. And how many pairs of running shoes does one girl need anyway?

  • *Diana* December 1, 2009 at 7:12 pm


    WHere is my credit card??

  • jules December 1, 2009 at 7:14 pm

    The shoes are hot! And I love them with the socks too! Maybe I will give this a try myself!

  • Ams December 1, 2009 at 7:18 pm

    You live in Philly? I was JUST there visiting S. Nice city. Cold. No flip flops.
    I don't think I would have had faith in that website – but apparently – you got your shoes :)
    Love the toilet shots!

  • Moomby December 1, 2009 at 7:20 pm

    awesome review! thanks for sharing

  • LMJ December 1, 2009 at 7:25 pm

    I love sandals, myself; but then again, I grew up on hot states. I can't believe they shipped them in a talltale box. booo!

    I always hide mine in the trunk of my vehicle till Hubby is out of sight; then, I sneak them inside the house.

    sometimes, he'll see them and ask: “Where did these come from? How much did it cost me?”

    I'll say: “Oh please! I've had these for a very long time. Don't you remember I wore them that one time…”

    And him not wanting to admit that once again, he doesn't remember something important to me, will agree. The end.
    (I love my forgetful husband)

  • LMJ December 1, 2009 at 7:25 pm

    Shoes are awesome, though. Not my first pick, but they're great.

  • MiMi December 1, 2009 at 7:35 pm

    At first I didn't like em, but once you got em on they look great!
    Yeah, also? If I was on the toilet like that? I'd a)break the seat b)fall on my ass and c)have to call 911 to come rescue my fat, toilet water wet, ruined shoes ass. :)

  • Elizabeth Marie December 1, 2009 at 7:57 pm

    I like the Kardashians. I'm totally Kourtney minus being knocked up. Anyways. Love the shoes and the socks. You're a fashion blogger.

    I want to interview you. Thoughts? Don't say no, because I kind of rule my side of the blogosphere.

  • Something Happened Somewhere Turning December 1, 2009 at 8:03 pm

    I saw this totally going somewhere else in my mind. Nice legs though.

  • Lil' Woman December 1, 2009 at 8:16 pm

    I WANT THOSE NOW!!!!!!!!
    I was unsure of them at first but your show modeling totally sold it for me!! :)

  • Lil' Woman December 1, 2009 at 8:17 pm

    *I meant shoe

  • SG December 1, 2009 at 8:38 pm

    While I appreciate the entertainment value of the toilet I am more concerned with you wearing those heels on top of a toilet seat. Please for Gods sake before you slip and break your neck go to Wal-Mart and get a college mirror to hang on the back of a door somewhere in your house.


  • kys December 1, 2009 at 8:46 pm

    They are cute. I don't know if I'm patient enough to go through the whole return process. Please update us on the comfort factor.

  • The Only Girl December 1, 2009 at 8:48 pm

    LOVED the review. Great job. Thanks so much. But 2 questions;

    a) what price point we talkin' about on Kim's choices?

    b) where do I send my donation for you to get a full length mirror? Don't know if I can take the toilet and all that beige again next month.


  • Michelle December 1, 2009 at 8:55 pm

    I was hysterically laughing reading this and looking at the toilet pic shoe model. I don't have the patience for crappy customer service and wait times, but you had me *thisclose* to taking a look.

  • LucyCooper December 1, 2009 at 9:15 pm

    I have Fred Flintstone feet, so shoes don't mean fuck all to me. You'd be horrified by the shoe “collection” in my closet. There's a post idea. You fly to Northwest Arkansas, and I will bring you back to my house. If you do not pass out from the horror when you see my shoes, you win the challenge and advance to the next round- my pitiful purses.
    And yes, rock those with the socks! I would, if my feet weren't fugly.

  • Shandal December 1, 2009 at 9:18 pm

    I don't stand on the toilet… I stand on the edge of my bathtub! hahaha!

  • hotpants™ December 1, 2009 at 9:18 pm

    Those shoes are super cute. I love them even more with spandexy socks on a toilet.

  • December 1, 2009 at 9:36 pm

    You know what would make those shoes even hotter? If they were shoved up that Kardashian ass. Man, she is super annoying…

    but killer shoes.

    Love your blog, by the way. You're hysterical!

  • Ashley @ KiwisandCocktails December 1, 2009 at 9:48 pm

    I LOVE the shoes. I dont think I could pull them off, but they look amazingly sexy on you!! Toilet and all…YOU wear those shoes well!!!

  • Confessions of a Mother, Lawyer & Crazy Woman December 1, 2009 at 10:09 pm

    HOT! But am leaning toward no socks. However, I am old, so what do I know? Maybe that is what you kids are wearing these days?

    Plus one million for the shoes overall. Another million for the pink bag. And then another million for the toilet standing pose. Nice work! So, we are at … er … 76 million?

    Whatever, math is lame. Overall, big thumbs up.

  • Emma December 1, 2009 at 10:12 pm

    I really like those!!

  • Menopausal New Mom December 1, 2009 at 10:31 pm

    What a neat idea she has although I think it could use a bit of fine tuning. You did end up with some beauties though! Loved them and the modeling job!

  • Georgina December 1, 2009 at 10:37 pm

    Husband shipping showcase! I love how you put names to things that I didn't even realize were “issues” for me. But hell yeah, it bugs me when my mail-order stuff comes wrapped in a billboard. If men can have their discrete brown paper packages, why can't we have ours? Luv,luv,luv the shoe modelling. You totally rocked it! – G

  • Georgina December 1, 2009 at 10:41 pm

    Oh and BTW, my first thought when I read your post title was “Why? Did Kim Kardashian pee on the toilet seat?” I'm odd, I know.- G

  • Ed Adams December 1, 2009 at 11:08 pm

    I have the exact same pair.

    For research purposes only.

  • Sara December 1, 2009 at 11:18 pm

    Never has a toilet looked so high fashion.

  • Essie the Accidental Mommy December 1, 2009 at 11:38 pm

    HA, those shoes are awesome. Sadly, I cannot see a mirror from my toilet I can only see the shower.

  • Courtney December 1, 2009 at 11:42 pm

    The toilet platform is possibly the funniest thing I've ever seen. JCrew totally needs to hire you!

  • Shandal December 2, 2009 at 12:15 am

    YOU are on my Blog Roll my friend. 😀

  • Legally Fabulous December 2, 2009 at 12:48 am

    Ha. This post cracked me up… especially because I do the same thing. The only way I can get a full length view of myself is standing on the toilet…
    one of these days I'm going to fall off and crack my head open on the tub and die and they'll have to say in my obituary that I died from checking myself out.
    Whatevs, I'm okay with that.

  • Chelle December 2, 2009 at 1:05 am

    Me to shoes: Hello, Lovelies.

    Love them.


    Love the socks w/them. Why? Don't know. I just do.

  • ScoMan December 2, 2009 at 2:23 am

    They say everythings better the second time around.

    Except beatings I guess. I don't think that'd get better. Especially if you were in hospital recovering from your last beating.

    How did I get from shoes to violence. Because I'm a man. And shoes make me angry.

  • amy December 2, 2009 at 8:32 am

    This MIGHT be my favorite blog entry yet…although I did love the nanny saga too. I was laughing out loud at my desk over this one though. Thanks for starting my day off right!

  • Cee December 2, 2009 at 8:44 am

    I do like them…very cute. However, Kim Kardashian seems to have waaaay too many bussiness ventures. It disturbs me.

  • a H.I.T. December 2, 2009 at 8:51 am

    For $30 a month, I'll send you shoes. What? I'll soon have a baby to feed…

  • Samma December 2, 2009 at 9:48 am

    Forgot to tellyou when I read this- best blog post title EVAH!

  • Brandy December 2, 2009 at 10:12 am

    I would never like those shoes in a display window. but you make them look fab

  • Mommy Lisa December 2, 2009 at 10:34 am

    Really? They were comfortable???

    Tell me the truth…could you wear them all day?

    I may have to give Kim a second chance, just like Reggie. 😉

  • wines constantly December 2, 2009 at 10:39 am

    I am kind of in love with those shoes.

    And I completely agree that anything ordered online should NOT come in a box identifiable by husbands. I've considered ordering with a fake name before, just to throw mine off track. Because nothing sets off a lecture about my spending (saving for baby, pffftt…) like a Sephora box. Ugh.

  • Cathy December 2, 2009 at 10:49 am

    I don't think I like Kim Kardashian, but the shoe business sounds interesting. I want more updates. And photos of you atop a toilet. What?

  • Vodka Logic December 2, 2009 at 11:03 am

    Yes a monthly post would be great. I want to see the other choices too…

    Do they have a site like that for purses, now thats for me

  • Dani December 2, 2009 at 1:07 pm

    wasn't so sure about those shoes from the picture of them…but seeing them on you—wonderful! :) I like it!

  • Renee December 2, 2009 at 1:11 pm

    ok, the shoes are H-O-T, but Kim Kardashian makes me want to throw up and then hurt someone (her) and therefore, I can't participate.
    It just isn't safe for her or my esophagus.
    I'll have to settle for Nordstrom.

  • Jaime December 2, 2009 at 2:16 pm

    Love the shoes! What an experience, lol and adore the foot modeling, haha.

    So now what? You wear a bunch of times and then send back? And process starts all over again? Or are they yours for good?

  • brit @ landlocked bride December 2, 2009 at 10:47 pm

    I'm not a fan of shoes like that, but I absolutely love those!

  • Becky (aka Ms Batman) December 3, 2009 at 12:27 pm

    I love those shoes. I enjoyed your review and you totally rock the whole toilet seat shoe model. Even radiates awesome with socks.
    My problem is, as a single mom, there just isnt room in my budget for Kim Kardashian shoes. I mean, I only get 1 pair of Jessica Simpson shoes a year, and that's with my mambo tax refund.
    So is there some payless shoe whore I for us poor house broke working moms with ex husbands who don't comprehend that raising his children is not a cheap job and therefore means he doesn't have to pay child support?
    Thanks. :)

  • Amber December 3, 2009 at 7:30 pm

    Shoes = super cute…I wouldn't wear them but thats just me, they're still super cute and look awesome on you.

  • the MODG cliff notes. October 18, 2011 at 9:38 pm

    […] ourselves with shoes. I joined a crap ass shoe club by Kim Kardashian. I wanted to show you all my shoes, so I had to stand on my toilet to take the picture. I don’t have a full length mirror and […]