I'm funny

News: We’re adopting.

October 2, 2009
Love of animals + baby dilemma+ watch any and all TLC programming= Adopting a monkey baby!

I’m so excited about this great idea that TLC and Sarah from lifemoreexciting came up with for me. As long as I can remember I wanted a monkey baby. Now B and I can grow our family and really contribute to society by going down the adoption path. I mean, with overpopulation and the homeless, I really feel as though it’s the right move for us.

Me and B with our monkey baby. And flame decal shirt.

So B’s mom is in town and last night at dinner at a restaurant I presented the idea to the table.

Me: So I have an announcement.

(table gets quiet)

Me: We’re adopting.

B: (looks confused and not happy)

Mom: Oh really?

Me: Yes we’re adopting a monkey baby

(more quiet)

Me: What? Are you saying you’d love it any less because it’s not your own child? Horrible.

B: So how’s your chicken?

Me: Hmmpf.

I would name her Sondra I think. We would hold hands and take oil painting classes together. She would also wear a tiara definitely.

I mean, I pretty much would expect my real life child to look exactly like a monkey baby anyway unless baby laser hair removal is on the rise. But baby monkeys are guaranteed cuteness all the time! Throwing poop? Fine. Climbing bookshelves? Loveit. Being super adorable always and forever? Yes please.

Are you dying from cuteness overload!? alksfjda’sioeru;aklfjd !!!!!!

So I’ll put it to a vote, (the only reasonable way to make major life decisions).

Monkey baby or human baby?

I dare you to not say monkey baby.

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  • amy October 2, 2009 at 10:42 am

    I think I have left the same comment a dozen times, but seriously, you crack me up!!!

  • sarah October 2, 2009 at 10:47 am

    Obviously, you know where I stand on this. I have done some research on your behalf…

    We will start with quote from a nice lady named Lori who adopted a pet capuchin off the internet after her kids were grown: “I thought about babies, but I didn't want to go through the preteens all again.” (Score 1 for the Monkey Adoption)

    Cons: throwing poop, possible biting, smelly, expensive vet bills, sometimes finicky diet, can be tricky to find a reputable monkey vet, diseases

    Pros: no talking back, they stop growing much sooner (especially those cute little ones) and you don't have to spend as much money on clothes to keep them looking good, no college tuition, no car/health insurance, on average monkeys only cost $3/day (WAY CHEAPER than a kid), if you don't like him you can trade him in (try doing that with a baby)

    Another important tip: make sure owning a monkey is legal (or at least will go undetected in your neighborhood)…apparently some assholes are trying to make monkey ownership illegal.

    If B or your MIL have any questions, feel free to have them e-mail me.

  • Geez Louise♥ October 2, 2009 at 12:36 pm

    Girl, another poz to this is definite NO TALKING BACK!! Woot Woot! Raise your hand if you love this! Haha. Now seriously, I would much rather have a real baby, that doesn't throw poop at me. Well atleast my babes haven't..yet.

    Happy Friday girl.

    Geez Louise

  • Shaina October 2, 2009 at 12:50 pm

    This is too funny. The poop throwing is a huge con for me, but at the same time…they will probably go after bugs, right? That is a HUGE pro. :)

  • Kimi October 2, 2009 at 1:28 pm

    As a mother of four I'm not afraid to say… go for the monkey.

    I mean sure you've got the poop throwing thing, but think of the pros…

    You'll never have to pay for an overpriced dream monkey wedding. I mean seriously monkeys don't even care about weddings.

    You'll never have to admit you don't understand monkey child's homework.

    and last but sure as hell not least…

    Monkey will never sneak out of the house, never get hooked on drugs, alcohol, never have huggy teenages fits of rage.

    Seriously, now I'm kinda considering trading in my kids on monkeys.

  • Kimi October 2, 2009 at 1:33 pm

    So clearly I was pretty excited about the thought of monkey children…

    “huggy teenage fits” ah man…

    should be “huge teenage fits”

  • The Shabby Princess October 2, 2009 at 1:35 pm

    OK, so, A) Monkey vets–I'll need to look into this.

    And being a good Texas gal, I hear the words of Barbara Jean from Reba (yes, yes, love that show) “You gotta get a license to own a monkey!”–at least in Texas.

    Which again, monkey license, monkey vets–it all sounds like having human children as well (don't get me wrong, I do love and want kiddos of my own someday)

    Which brings up a question, most monkeys will need to wear diapers, yes? In which case, would you need to be investing in a diaper genie?

  • Anonymous October 2, 2009 at 1:46 pm

    you are freaking hilarious.

  • Cee October 2, 2009 at 2:41 pm

    I would love a monkey baby…except for their monkey diapers. It's one thing to change a human diaper…they don't have hairy butts…but poo in a hairy monkey butt is sort of gross.

    But on the other hand…monkeys are really cute and imagine it swinging around your house to greet you when you get home from work…adorable.

    Just make sure you don't accidentally get a chimp…chimps are totally creepy. I held one once and the human-like hands were very freaky.

  • Miss Kriss October 2, 2009 at 3:02 pm

    I vote monkey baby all the way! And could you please paint Monkey Baby's…ahem…I mean Sondra's…nails like the monkey in the second photo? I'm thinking Lincoln Park After Dark would be an acceptable shade…

  • tori October 2, 2009 at 8:22 pm

    monkey baby. much less drama!

  • Stefany October 3, 2009 at 12:34 am

    Monkey baby! That would be totally awesome!

  • The Un-Bride October 3, 2009 at 6:14 am

    No brainer….baby monkey!

  • K October 4, 2009 at 4:42 pm

    100% monkey baby all the way. I will babysit anytime, and as a monkey mom I know you will take me up in the offer, unlike those fussy hu-moms. I veto “Sondra” though, sounds like a name for a duck or a depressed midage redhead working for a finance department.

  • G+D October 6, 2009 at 5:19 pm

    You crack me up with your monkey baby, lol! The big question is–will Sondra be able to care for you when you're old and decrepit? Which is of course the only reason people have human babies. Better make sure that's in her long-term plans before you sign on the dotted line.

    PS–I had to spellcheck the word “decrepit” before I typed it here. I missed confession Friday, so there you go.

  • mary July 16, 2010 at 11:11 am

    100% monkey!!!human baby no way..don’t like them..