I'm funny

The final farewell

June 9, 2016

Hello old friend.

I’ve thought about you every day for a year. I just never really knew the right thing to say. But I think now, I do.

I started writing here about 8 years ago. That alone is a crazy sentence that exists on the internet. I never believed that for even a moment anyone would care about what aliens I dreamed about or what sharks I drew or what pimples were talking to me. But here we are.

And as I write this to you on this day, I also am living my last day of therapy after 2 years. I am moving into a totally different chapter of my life and I’m closing the books on another. And just like every other kid out there, I’m graduating.

Throughout the past 5 years, I’ve experienced the most dramatic changes in my life. I became a mother, I completely and utterly lost myself and I came out like one of those puzzles that someone is so proud of, that they actually glue the pieces together and put it under some weird glass frame, because it was THAT hard to complete. And I made the hard choice to do it completely privately and within my own parameters.

For some time, I had found a comfort in oversharing. It was almost a defense mechanism of ohmygodthingsaresobad I MUST LAUGH OR I’LL NEVER STOP CRYING. And for a while that worked out pretty well. I did laugh, we all laughed. And things didn’t seem so bad…until they were so bad. But thank the universe that it did get so bad, because here I am. I’m here and good because I was there and bad.

For a long time in my life I struggled with just being. I always thought that life was just that way for everyone. And I still think that maybe it is. And I truly wish that every single living human being on this planet could take 2 years of their lives to get serious therapy. Work out their shit and come out strong. There is no money better spent.

And that’s what I did. And slowly..very slowly, I realized that things were changing all around me. It’s truly the magic of therapy. It just slowly changes your thought process about life and then life changes around you.

But you know all of this. I’ve told you this part.

When I started this jazz up again, I thought..”I’m doing so well! I’m ready to come back.” And that was half true. I was doing so well. However, I was doing so well that I didn’t need to come back. And even as that sentence is read in my mind, I cringe. Because, I loved writing here and sharing with the world and reading your thoughts and having this little OHSHITMYLIFE… community. It was cathartic. But I just didn’t need it. Because life was enough.

Back in the high days of MODG, I’d wake up and say GD PANTS I HATE PANTS. And then I’d write about it. And you would all say JESUS I HATE PANTS TOO! And then I’d feel those connections. Those sort of false connections. But they were enough.

One day, I found myself not waking up and hating much of anything. In fact I found myself waking up excited to see my friends, look forward to working at my kid’s school, happy to curl my hair and put on purple eye liner. Of course I still hated pants…and man pee driving down my toilet. But the happy stuff was way better. And that’s what I needed.

And so MODG sort of fell asleep. She didn’t so much die. She just sort of hibernated, waiting for me to forget my meds, to say fuck therapy, to just say that it’s all too hard. But I am pretty sure she’s still in that cave. Maybe a bear ate her, who knows.

But I’m here and I’m awesome. And this is my farewell, and also my thank you.

Thank you for giving me 8 years of laughter, audience and sanity. Because there were plenty of times where I thought I would lose my mind if my baby didn’t take a GD nap or if sobbing about the loss of a natural birth was at all normal. And you were there for me. When I really had nothing else, you were there.

This part of my life was magical. It was my little moment of fame. I will never forget this and I will one day tell my grandchildren that I wrote “blogs on the internet.” And they will say, “where did you keep your robot laser telepathy pens?’’ And I’ll sigh and say…kids these days.

Fairly soon this blog, on this part of the webs will no longer be here. However, I’d like to get every single entry into a book for my own personal keeping. If I can, I may find a way to self publish so you can have a copy…if you’d like.

And never forget, peeing IS believing.

So long, farewell. DTHC4LIFE

Much love, Amanda

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small beings

Winter Break your face off.

December 22, 2015

It’s the most wonderful time of year. You know, when your children finally come home from school for weeks at a time and you get to spend quality time together over the many many days of cold and rain. You are lucky that you get to just sit inside and watch their little faces play nicely together.

NO.

I HATE WINTER BREAK. IT’S SO LONG I WANT TO DIE MY FACE OFF.

My kids have been home since last Wednesday and don’t go back until January 4th. They are only in school for like 3 hours a day but I NEED THOSE 3 HOURS I DO I DO.

All day: I’m bored. She bonked into my penis. He is taking my treasure. She threw the cat at me.

THIS IS NOT MY CHRISTMAS WISH. My Christmas wish? A world where winter break meant that you put your children on a child proof and secure sleigh, which takes them to the North Pole with all the other children of the world. Or they just go to grandma and grandpa’s house. Either.

I love my children. I do. I just can’t love them the same amount in a 24 hour period. And you internet, understand. You always are there for me.

So happy holidays. Happy winter break. I’ll leave you with this.

christmas card edited2

xoxo

MODG

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Gets Smart, Makes Stuff, Plays with Stuff, Spawn, Stuff I love, WANA

No more stuff I like. This is Stuff I KNOW that your kids will like.

December 7, 2015

Hello from puffy-eye-jeans-are too- tight-ville. Please stop by for a visit.

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The holiday parties are starting and waking up without feeling hungover has become a novelty. But we have a few orders of business to take care of.

FIRST: The winner of the Ten Air jewelry is:

JESS M: Wow, your friend is super talented and that pressed flower necklace would make me so happy.” 

Shoot me an email Jess and we’ll arrange for your lovely gift to yourself.

Next, WANA.

So as expected, our WANA comments aren’t as numerous as previous years. This is mostly because the blog hasn’t been active in quite some time and people are just starting to come back. However, in all honesty, this is sort of a good thing. The people who are here seem to be genuinely in need, not spamming and the amount of people to help isn’t overwhelming. In fact it’s very easy to scroll through the comments to find someone who needs very basic help. We do still have a lot of unanswered needs. THANK you everyone for participating. It’s super rewarding to see people making connections.

Ok now. You’ve been asking me for my STUFF I LIKE posts for the holidays. Here’s the thing, I feel conflicted about this. We are really trying to move away from as much “stuff” in our house. There is shit like, everywhere. I think I mentioned that we are doing 4 gifts for the kids this year: Something they want, something they need, something to wear and something to read. We are trying to focus on giving. We’ll be helping a WANA family and I’m hoping to do a random act of kindness day with the kids.

I know, who am I? But I just don’t want to raise asshole kids, you know? Kids are already assholes by nature and we really need to do our best to be like STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE AND BE A GOOD PERSON ALREADY. You know? Parenting superstar. Line up for advice.

Anyway, here’s what I decided. Since we’re doing much less gifts, I do want the gifts to be quality, be enjoyed and be something worth while. So I thought it would still be beneficial to talk about what works and what doesn’t. We’ve had a LOT of toy failure and toy waste in this house and if I can help you from making the same mistakes, then bravo to me. Because you know….me.

So I give you

STUFF THAT’S WORTH YOUR DOLLARS FOR 5 YEARS AND UNDER

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Mommas, Stuff I love, Style

My bestest best on Small Business Saturday. You will thank me.

November 28, 2015

So yesterday, I got in my car and participated in the black friday. It wasn’t as dark and gloomy as I expected a black friday to be. In fact, there was this strange bond between the shoppers. We kind of looked at each other like, yeah, you love this shit just as much as I do. No one understands me like you do, crazy shopper. And so we smiled when we tried to get through a teeny aisle of clothing or we generously held places in line when you realized you HAD to have the white tulle skirt.

Then I was all, black friday is so easy! I’m going to go to KOP mall. BAM. Pie in the face fooled. There were car lines in the street to get to the street that let you into the parking lot. Cars were parked at the businesses across the street. I was NOT interested. So here I am. Boozed up on margs and blogging on my new birthday MAC. My last computer was like an old man eating a ton of Werther’s Originals very.very.very slowly.

Now we are all Keanu Reeves in this joint.

BAM. speed.

So despite what my good hippies say (#buynothingtoday), I’d like to say #buyeverythingtodayjustlikeeveryotherday. I’m not going to discriminate DAYS on which I shop. I shop on all of the days. This day is no different. It’s just another day for you and me in paradise. Paradise. Paradise.

But here we are now on Small Business Saturday. Just like days, I’m an equal opportunity shopper in places as well. However, I have good friends who run small businesses and I see how tough it is and how much time and money they put into it. And doing well puts food on their tables. So today, I’m highlighting my favorite small business. This is run and owned by probably the kindest person on earth. She’s this kind of person:

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